So does that mean if you won’t fuck me because I’m high, I could fuck you because you’re not?

K.A. Mitchell

Tags: humor funny quote best boyfriend high ever

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Penard's got a secret baby!' Fifteen-year-old Richard twisted his lips up at one end. 'Maybe he has a secret wife in the attic!

Olivia Newport

Tags: funny

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You are the devil to talk to, Rachel," he said curtly. "Will you shut up and listen?

Kim Harrison

Tags: humor funny

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She began to curl her hair and long for balls

Jane Austen

Tags: funny dirty balls

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Jared told her he used to be an exotic dancer in San Francisco.'

'My body is a gift from God,' Jared said gravely. 'Except for my hips, which are clearly a gift from the devil.

Sarah Rees Brennan

Tags: humor funny

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Asshole FBI agents that want to shoot Girl Scouts.

C.J. Roberts

Tags: funny yes girl-scouts

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Peaches found herself wondering if Mary, a tiny brunette with an unprepossessing manner and less than ‘stellar’ work ethics, had to play Where’s Waldo to find Steve’s dick beneath his gigantic waistline.

A.T. Hicks

Tags: funny cheating-spouse outrageous-behavior penis-size

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Words to live by: If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Robin Glasser

Tags: funny succeed

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WHAT A CONCUBINE SHOULD NEVER SAY: You wanna swing? Fine! See that tree branch? The one with the rope...

Robin Glasser

Tags: funny concubine swing

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Everything in Australia is trying to kill you, haven't you heard? Half of the ten deadliest snakes in the world live in Queensland. And then there are the poisonous spiders and the jellyfish. Not to mention the crocs and the great white sharks. Another point in favor of New Zealand. Very benign place, En Zed.

Rosalind James

Tags: humor funny snakes australia spiders sharks jellyfish killer-animals nz

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