I confessed I did not have an opinion; I was only thirteen, and this was my very first dismemberment.

Rick Yancey

Tags: funny horror



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He had noticed my bandaged hand.

"An accident," Warthrop said tersely.

"Dr. Warthrop chopped off my finger with a butcher knife."

Von Helrung's brow knotted up in confusion. "By accident?"

"No," I answered. "That part was on purpose.

Rick Yancey

Tags: funny spoiler



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Oh my son! My son!" von Helrung cried. Now it was his turn to crush my master to his chest. "William! Your father has come for you!"

"I hope not! My father has been dead over fifteen years, von Helrun.

Rick Yancey

Tags: funny spoiler



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She now represents the Western United States, thus proving politics is even more accepting of the strange, unusual, and mostly useless than the music industry.

John Zakour

Tags: politics humour funny



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My second thought was to fire a gunshot, but the last time I did that his security robots jumped me. It only takes one cavity search by a robot to convince you that’s an experience you don’t want to have twice. This called for a more subtle approach.

John Zakour

Tags: humour funny search



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I remembered the last time I put this thing into my eye it was more painful than watching old political speeches while listening to the “Macarena” and having a root canal performed by an angry, clumsy chimp.

John Zakour

Tags: pain humour funny



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I often say if men were meant to fly we would have been born with either feathers and wings or at the very least parachutes that pop out of our butts.

John Zakour

Tags: humour funny flying



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I didn’t respond to that. I’m not scared of heights. I’m just scared of falling from heights.

John Zakour

Tags: humour funny heights



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Can I brush your hair?” she asked as she led the way, her disposition doing a 180 on a dime. Kids. Can’t live with ’em. Can’t eat ’em for lunch.

Darynda Jones

Tags: humour funny kids



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My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

Darynda Jones

Tags: humour funny



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