According to Mark 11:12-13, God's messengers were not the only ones who were incompetent: 'He [Jesus] was hungry. And on seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to see if he could find anything on it. When he came to it, he found nothing but leaves, for it was not the season for figs.'
Imagine Jesus, the divine, holy, wisest of the wise not knowing that figs were out of season. Now allegedly Jesus could have performed a miracle and made figs magically appear, but he preferred sour grapes instead: Then he said to the tree, 'May no one ever eat fruit from you again.' (Mark 11:14)
Tags: humor funny omniscience incompetence fig-tree bible-absurdities biblical-criticism bible-errors jesus-mistakes
Throughout my training we always had a mantra; They come first. If I had really and truly screwed up my future, I'd have a new mantra; A comes first. The B, C, D...
Richelle MeadTags: humor funny rose-hathaway
Throughout my training we always had a mantra; They come first. If I had really and truly screwed up my future, I'd have a new mantra; A comes first. Then B, C, D...
Richelle MeadTags: humor funny rose-hathaway
I don't like hello. It makes me sound like I have dementia, like I've never heard a phone ring before and I don't know what's supposed to happen next. Hello?
Rainbow RowellTags: funny young-adult phone-calls
The coldest depth of Hell is reserved for people who abandon kittens.
Robert A. HeinleinTags: humor cats funny kittens
I might have hasked a question..., except that 1. I didn't know what it was, and 2. I didn't care to learn, and 3. I never really excelled in small talk.
John GreenTags: funny
You might not believe this, but there is no one like her at this school."
"Oh I believe it," I said, thinking back to the time Angeline had forgotten her locker's combination and tried to get into it with an axe.
No one was really sure where she'd gotten it from.
Tags: humor funny richelle-mead sydney-sage lockers trey-juarez bloodlines-series the-fiery-heart angeline-dawes amberwood-prepatory dhampirs schol
A true nerd knows the difference between 2-D and 3-D, and chooses 2-D every frickin' time!
Ryohgo NaritaTags: funny nerd durarara ryohgo-narita
Ty grabbed my phone and threatened to tell Otter that I liked being spanked during sex.
This proceeded to lead up on a long tangent where I had to have him explain to me how he knows about stuff like people getting spanked during sex. He said he might have heard it mentioned while watching MSNBC. I told him he was grounded from watching the news channels for a week. That's where this whole sidebar should have ended, but then I was forced to explain S
Tags: romance funny child parenting bdsm m-m
So while I drove my little and planned his fantasy night of how I was going to give Otter the key to my soul (his words, not mine), I silently panicked and wrote lines of bad poetry. Normally, I am quite adept at writing poems and lyrics to songs I'l never sing, but this stuff was just atrocious. For example:
I love you
You love me
Thank God for that
I'm so happy
And Ty's personal favorite (which he helped me on):
Otter! Otter! Otter!
Don't lead cows to slaughter
I love you and I know
I should've told you soon-a
But you didn't buy the dolphin-safe tuna!
TY asked me if I got the hidden message in his poem. I told him it was loud and clear.
Tags: animal-rights activism romance funny child gay
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