Who knew hitting my head and passing out would be so much fun?
P.C. CastUnless philosophy can make a Juliet,
Displant a town, reverse a prince’s doom,
It helps not, it prevails not.
Tags: funny
Afore me! It is so very late,
That we may call it early by and by.
Tags: funny early late-to-bed
C: What do you get when a giant sneezes?
Out of the way. - Marigold
I'd like to thank readers. Every time you open a book, it is a strike against ignorance. Unless you're reading Sarah Palin.
Libba BrayTags: funny libba-bray
There were, however, a few exceptions.
One was Norma Dodsworth, the poet, who had not unpleasantly drunk but had been sensible enough to pass out before any violent action proved necessary. He had been deposited, not very gently, on the lawn, where it was hoped that a hyena would give him a rude awakening. For all practical purposes he could, therefore, be regarded as absent.
Tags: funny alcohol humorous drunk drink
This social worker lassie turns round n gies us a stroppy look. Ah jist smiles bit she looked away aw fuckin nippy likes. Disnae cost nowt tae be social. A social worker thit cannae be fuckin social; that's nae good tae nae cunt, thon. Like a lifeguard thit cannae fuckin swim. Shouldnae be daein that kinday joab.
Irvine WelshTags: humor humanity funny jobs
We made it back to the airport without getting mugged, stoned, shot at, pounced on, bombed, shelled, garroted, gassed, pitched into, caught in a cross fire, sniped at, blockaded, napalmed, or trip-wired. No one even hit us with a water balloon.
Daniel QuinnTags: humor funny comical ishmael
If you have ever seen a dragon in a pinch, you will realize that this was only poetical exaggeration applied to any hobbit, even to Old Took's great-grand-uncle Bullroarer, who was so huge (for a hobbit) that he could ride a horse. He charged the ranks of the goblins of Mount Gram in the Battle of the Green Fields, and knocked their king Golfimbul's head clean off with a wooden club. It sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit-hole, and in this way the battle was won and the game of Golf invented at the same moment.
J.R.R. TolkienTags: humor dragons funny hobbits invention-of-golf
I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.
Mark TwainTags: children funny killing humorous dark-humor
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