Strength and victory... What he would never praise himself for, but whose loss was his most obsessive fear.
Simona PanovaTags: fear strength love man woman romantic strong romance loss victory dark relationships fiction horror failure mystery obsession praise girl boy gothic relationship fail afraid mysterious lose loving myself accomplish fears female appreciate win scary scared male loved oneself obsessed gothic-romance goth young-adult-romance horrified obsessive compulsive young-adult-gothic-romance
And I wasn’t playing a role – I was trying to be myself.
But the harder I was striving, the more I was realizing that I had probably lost that ‘myself’ somewhere between two perfectly performed roles...
Tags: reality romantic lost identity romance be-yourself secret try yourself mystery play trying suspense obsession lonely hidden perfect perfection gothic young-adult pretend postmodern mysterious masks lose mask postmodernism real myself hide pretending secretive roles who-you-are gothic-romance realize goth freya strive role masked young-adult-suspense cardew obsessive young-adult-gothic-romance who-i-am
You kissed me once and now you feel as if you’ve got some special kind of licence to do it whenever you want?
Simona PanovaTags: love kissing romance kiss yearning relationships desires suspense girl desire boy wish gothic young-adult relationship longing loving flirt permission want special forbidden once twice fancy yearn let loved allow goth young-adult-romance forbid young-adult-gothic-romance licence
I always am in a role, lovely – for you, for them – even for myself. Yeah... Even when I’m alone, I am still in a role – and I myself am the most exacting audience I have ever had.
Simona PanovaTags: strength romantic strong dramatic romance weak weakness theater emotion alone control drama self-image play feelings acting suspense theatre lonely gothic always young-adult audience pretend postmodern masks mask postmodernism hide feel fake emotional hiding forbidden demand actor actress pretending gothic-romance goth demanding forbid emotionless young-adult-gothic-romance exact exacting feelless stern
Oh, he did look like a deity – the perfect balance of danger and charm, he was at the same time fascinating and inaccessible, distant because of his demonstrated flawlessness, and possessing such strength of character that he was dismaying and at the same time utterly attractive in an enticing and forbidden way.
Simona PanovaTags: love man woman romantic beauty god romance relationships danger temptation myth balance charming legend character suspense personality looks girl perfect perfection boy description gothic hero young-adult attraction mythology relationship deity beautiful possession charm dangerous pretty nightmare in-love forbidden female look crush goddess handsome heroic male character-description flawless tempted distant attractive tempt attract gothic-romance dismay entice demonstrate fascinating goth possessive possess bewitched bewitching he enticing she tempting forbid young-adult-gothic-romance bewitch demonstrative dismaying enticed flawlessness inaccessible
Even I don’t know myself... In fact, I don’t know if I really have a self at all, as I’m constantly playing different roles and pretending – not so much on stage as in real life...
Simona PanovaTags: life love reality knowledge romantic identity romance real-life relationships different live self playing living crisis fact understanding self-awareness self-image play acting suspense awareness hidden gothic young-adult postmodern relationship understand masks mask postmodernism hide aware actor know roles gothic-romance goth know-yourself role even young-adult-gothic-romance know-myself self-identity-crisis
Have a look around, my pretty, we are surrounded by Death in all forms – just the two of us are still alive –
Simona PanovaTags: life woman death sinister dark darkness live living old dead horror black mystery suspense grave girl gothic young-adult graveyard mysterious beautiful pretty witch divination hide alive occult female look cemetery scary scared scare occultism still-alive ominous gothic-romance goth young-adult-book fortune-telling young-adult-suspense mystify mystifying horrifying lurk old-witch still-dead
Sometimes I felt the bloated Toad, hideous and pampered with the poisonous vapours of the dungeon, dragging his loathsome length along my bosom: Sometimes the quick cold Lizard rouzed me leaving his slimy track upon my face, and entangling itself in the tresses of my wild and matted hair: Often have I at waking found my fingers ringed with the long worms which bred in the corrupted flesh of my Infant.
Matthew Gregory LewisTags: death corruption gothic toads lizards
Open your eyes, Ambrosio, and be prudent. Hell is your lot; You are doomed to eternal perdition; Nought lies beyond your grave but a gulph of devouring flames.
Matthew Gregory LewisTags: devil gothic perdition damnation
So it was that the Red Tower put into production its new, more terrible and perplexing, line of unique novelty items. Among the objects and constructions now manufactured were several of an almost innocent nature. These included tiny, delicate cameos that were heavier than their size would suggest, far heavier, and lockets whose shiny outer surface flipped open to reveal a black reverberant abyss inside, a deep blackness roaring with echoes. Along the same lines was a series of lifelike replicas of internal organs and physiological structures, many of them evidencing an advanced stages of disease and all of them displeasingly warm and soft to the touch. There was a fake disembodied hand on which fingernails would grow several inches overnight and insistently grew back should one attempt to clip them. Numerous natural objects, mostly bulbous gourds, were designed to produce a long, deafening scream whenever they were picked up or otherwise disturbed in their vegetable stillness. Less scrutable were such things as hardened globs of lava into whose rough, igneous forms were sent a pair of rheumy eyes that perpetually shifted their gaze from side to side like a relentless pendulum. And there was also a humble piece of cement, a fragment broken away from any street or sidewalk, that left a most intractable stain, greasy and green, on whatever surface it was placed. But such fairly simple items were eventually followed, and ultimately replaced, by more articulated objects and constructions. One example of this complex type of novelty item was an ornate music box that, when opened, emitted a brief gurgling or sucking sound in emulation of a dying individual's death rattle. Another product manufactured in great quantity at the Red Tower was a pocket watch in a gold casing which opened to reveal a curious timepiece whose numerals were represented by tiny quivering insects while the circling 'hands' were reptilian tongues, slender and pink. But these examples hardly begin to hint at the range of goods that came from the factory during its novelty phase of production. I should at least mention the exotic carpets woven with intricate abstract patterns that, when focused upon for a certain length of time, composed themselves into fleeting phantasmagoric scenes of a kind which might pass through a fever-stricken or even permanently damaged brain.
Thomas LigottiTags: weird gothic derangements novelties the-red-tower
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