It was like bouncing tennis balls off a mystery piece of furniture and deducing, from the direction in which the balls ricocheted, whether it was a chair or a table or a Welsh dresser.
Marcus ChownTags: physics hilarious atoms quantum-theory
Where's your car? Miles asks, glancing at him as he slams his door shut and slings his backpack over his shoulder. "And whats up with your hand?"
"I got rid of it," Damen says, gaze fixed on mine. Then glancing at Miles and seeing his expression he adds, "The car, not the hand."
"Did you trade it in?" I ask, but only because Miles is listening. [...]
He shakes his head and walks me to the gate, smiling as he says, "No, I just dropped off on the side of the road, key in the ignition, engine running."
"Excuse me?!" Miles yelps. "You mean to tell me that you left your shiny, black, BMW M6 Coupe—by the side of the road?"
Damen nods.
But thats a hundred-thousand-dollar car!" Miles gasps as his face turns bright red.
"A hundreds and ten." Damen laughs. "Don't forget, it was fully customized and loaded with options."
Miles stares at him, eyes practically bugging out of his head, unable to comprehend how anyone could do such a thing—why anyone would do such a thing. "Um, okay, so let me get this straight—you just woke up and decided—Hey, what the hell? I think I'll just dump my ridiculously expensive luxury car by the side of the road—WHERE JUST ANYONE CAN TAKE IT?"
Damen shrugs. "Pretty much."
"Because in case you haven't noticed," Miles says, practically hyperventilating now. "Some of us are a little car deprived. Some of us were born with parents so cruel and unusual they're forced to rely on the kindness of friends for the rest of their lives!"
"Sorry." Damen shrugs. "Guess I hadn't thought about that. Though if it makes you feel any better, it was all for a very good cause.
Tags: hilarious
I don't lack for bed partners, so I don't need to scrounge for unwilling scraps.-Spade
Jeaniene FrostTags: classic hilarious night-huntress spade
A vibrator can last all night, too, vampire! - Denise
Jeaniene FrostTags: sex classic hilarious night-huntress denise
It wasn’t enough that I had to worry about playing well and winning the game, but I also had to deal with possibility that one of my teammates could be dragged off the field by the inhabitants of the mental hospital.
Wes LocherTags: humor funny comedy hilarious essays anecdote
Mr. Benedict: "After I woke up and composed myself, however, I realized the flowers must certainly be yours, Constance, to do with as you please. At any rate -- "
Mr.Benedict broke off, for just then Constance jumped to her feet, snatched the bouquet from his desk, and hurled it into the wastebasket with all the force she could muster -- so hard that flower petals flew up out of the wastebasket like tiny pink butterflies. Then placing her hands against the wall to steady herself, she stomped one foot repeatedly into the wastebasket as if trying to put out a fire.
"I see we are of the same opinion," said Mr. Benedict as Constance returned to her seat, and the others congratulated her on her judgment.
Tags: agreement hilarious constance
Laboratory scientists use formaldehyde as a disinfectant or preservative. They don't fucking drink it.
Rory FreedmanTags: hilarious
What man art thou that, thus bescreened in night,
So stumblest on my counsel?
*Who are you? Why do you hide in the darkness and listen to my private thoughts?*
Tags: privacy hilarious imposition
A peevish self-willed harlotry it is.
*She’s a stubborn little brat.*
Tags: hilarious
I'm a little bit naked, but that's okay.
Lady GagaTags: music interview funny hilarious epic lady lady-gaga gaga germanotta love-game stefani video
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