That's because we were together for two years and she led me on a treacherous journey through bitchy, across frigid, and into the land of cheating psycho. I barely escaped with my life. It required a week of solid moping just so my balls could grow back.
S.E. CulpepperTags: humor-relationships
You go in, I go in."
"Listen---"
He took her face in his hands.
"You go, I go. That's non-negotiable. If we're to get blasted to hell or poisoned into lunatics, we do it together."
"Crap, Crap. You have to look less rich and gorgeous."
God help him, she made him grin. "I'll do what I can.
Tags: humor-relationships
I am afraid it is quite clear, Cecily, that neither of us is engaged to be married to any one.
Oscar WildeTags: humor-relationships the-importance-of-being-earnest
It was this feminine conspiracy which made Southern society so pleasant. Women knew that a land where men were contented, uncontradicted ans safe in possession of unpunctured vanity was likely to be a very pleasant place for women to live. So, from the cradle to the grave, women strove to make men pleased with themselves, and the satisfied men repaid lavishly with gallantry and adoration. In fact, men willingly gave ladies everything in the world except credit for having intelligence.
Margaret MitchellTags: humor-relationships southern-women male-female-relationships
Yeah, well. If you're staying here in hopes of making out with Alaska, I sure wish you wouldn't. If you unmoor her from the rock that is Jake, God have mercy on us all. That would be some drama, indeed. And as a rule, I like to avoid drama."
"It's not because I want to make out with her."
"Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit." And he was right.
Tags: humor-relationships
Crying all the time had made her more beautiful. Grief will do that sometimes. Not for me. Loretta had left months ago and I still looked like hell.
Junot DíazTags: humor-relationships
Trick.” I say a little louder.
“Shhh, sleep baby.” He mumbles. I laugh and smack his arm.
“Wake up. I can feel your morning wood.” This gets his attention and he sits up, taking me with him. The arms wrapped around my middle graze my breasts as he shifts up and a tingle shoots straight between my legs.
“God, Caroline, I’m so...” He stops, probably realizing that he doesn't have morning wood, “I don't have...” He’s actually pretty cute all sleepy. He laughs.
“I know but I couldn't figure out how else to get your attention.” I shrug.
Tags: couples humor-relationships love-story
She pushed the car. But I was so distracted that i forgot to push the button on the timer, so we had to do the whole thing again. Which Lindsey found hilarious. "Ok" she said. "Are you ready NOW, or do we have to send you back to Button Pushing one-oh-one?" "Um, what's Button Pushing One-oh-one?" I was wearing a button down shirt that day. Lindsey reached out and poked one of the buttons into my chest. "There, that's how you push a button. Any questions?
Jordan SonnenblickTags: humor humor-relationships
And what the fuck were you doing parading around in those jeans and that shirt last—”
“Parading?”
“You are not allowed to put on your fuck-me clothes if I ain’t there to do the fucking!
Tags: humor-relationships
It won't be whiskey, won't be meth
It'll be your name on my last breath
If divorce or death ever do us part
The coroner will call it a broken heart
Tags: relationships humor-relationships music-lyrics
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