I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.
Mark TwainA joke is a very serious thing.
Winston S. ChurchillLife doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Woody AllenA day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Steve MartinBut there is in everything a reasonable division of labour. I have written the book, and nothing on earth would induce me to read it.
G.K. ChestertonTags: humor books literary-criticism
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho MarxTags: humor friends books animals dogs
All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.
Chuck PalahniukFrom the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Groucho MarxWell, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know.
Groucho MarxWho knows how to make love stay?
1. Tell love you are going to Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if loves stays, it can have half. It will stay.
2. Tell love you want a momento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a moustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.
3. Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.
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