Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries enough artillery in his pants pockets to construct a sawed-off shotgun. Evidently, he thought we were headed to Iraq.
Chelsea HandlerTags: humor funny humorous comedian
He dragged me back - just in time. A tree had crashed down on to the side walk, just missing us. Poirot stared at it, pale and upset.
"It was a near thing that! But clumsy, all the same - for I had no suspicion - at least hardly any suspicion. Yes, but for my quick eyes, the eyes of a cat, Hercule Poirot might now be crushed out of existence - a terrible calamity for the world. And you, too, mon ami - though that would not be such a national catastrophe."
"Thank you," I said coldly.
There is a tale...It tells of the days when a blight hung over our land. Nothing prospered. Nothing flourished. Not even zucchini would grow.
Cameron DokeyEven if you haven't had the exclusivity conversation, they're still going to be mad if they find out you're dating someone they know and you haven't mentioned it. It's a dating rule."
"Well, how am I supposed to know that rule?"
"Everyone knows that rule."
"I thought you were supposed to be on my side."
"I am on your side!
Tags: humorous
Maybe you'll win when hell freezes over."
He raised an eyebrow.
"That could be easily arranged.
Tags: humorous
True...I hear voices in my head keep talking to me. The good thing for now is...I never answer them back.
Timothy PinaTags: humorous
Throughout life try to remember...to always keep your head up high and your middle finger higher!
Timothy PinaTags: humorous
Are you by any chance acquainted with the words 'steel toe'? Or do the words 'permanent dent' mean anything to you?"
My locker door is not intimidated. "My grandfather was a vault at Fort Knox, and if you try to dent me with a kick you will only tear some ligament that will never mend.
Tags: humorous
She spoke under her breath to Nick. "Is there a reason he's only wearing one sock?" "He puked on his foot." "Oh." She turned back to Huxley. "Can we get you another sock? Maybe a blanket or something?
Julie JamesTags: humorous humor-relationships
You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.
Ambrose BierceTags: women revenge vanity humorous
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