On Decoration Day, while everyone else in town was at the cemetery decorating the graves of our Glorious War Dead, Willie Beaner and me, Robert Burns Hewitt, took Mabel Cramm's bloomers and run them up the flagpole in front of the town hall. That was the beginning of all my troubles.

Katherine Paterson

Tags: humorous



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I was behaving, just like I promised, but fate intervened.

Katherine Paterson

Tags: humorous



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She was the only doctor's wife in Branford, Maine, who hung her wash on an outdoor clothesline instead of putting it through a dryer, because she liked to look out the window and see the clothes blowing in the wind. She had been especially delighted, one day, when one sleeve of the top of her husband's pajamas, prodded by the stiff breeze off the bay, reached over and grabbed her nightgown around the waist.

Lois Lowry

Tags: humorous



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He had a dashing smile. It nearly dashed right off his face.

Shannon Hale

Tags: humorous



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Moreover, if great men are the only hope of the Evolutionary Process, they are morally bound to rule over the masses for their own good -- we are all here on earth to help others: what on earth the others are here for, I don't know -- and the masses have no right whatsoever to resist them.

W.H. Auden

Tags: goodness service humorous



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Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.

When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big.

Terry Pratchett

Tags: humorous



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Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny –
Did you ever try buying them without money.

Ogden Nash

Tags: humorous humor-inspirational



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On the morning in question, she wore white shorts and a pink T-shirt that featured a green dragon breathing a fire of orange glitter. It is difficult to explain how awesome I found this T-shirt at the time.

John Green

Tags: humorous papertowns



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I am Midnight
(cats stare dumbfounded)

Erin Hunter

Tags: humorous



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In the middle of the night I am awakened by a sound. I sit up abruptly in bed. I hear it again. It's music. Wait, it sounds like the ice cream man, in our house. Is this some kind of twisted nightmare? The flipping ice cream man, breaking in to chop us all up in our beds to the tune of 'Zippity Do Dah'?... My heart slows. I remember. There is no psycho ice cream man here. It is just our new musical soap dispenser...

Deb Caletti

Tags: humorous



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