My boyfriend dumped me. My best friend won't talk to me. My future is in a garbage can. Everything has turned to crap. Can you please just let me be a sullen teenager. just this once
J.J. JohnsonTags: humorous
Try again. No no no, eyes up, eyes up! When you bow to someone you look at them, not at the floor. Don't look at her in the eye though lad, that's rude. And not THERE, either.
Stephen DeasTags: humorous
If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary, somewhere between 'shit' and 'syphilis'.
Etienne .Tags: humorous
My toe as a lethal weapon!
Azar NafisiTags: humorous
Taggle was absorbed in the meat pie. ‘It’s covered in BREAD,’ he huffed. ‘What fool has covered MEAT with BREAD?
Erin BowTags: humorous
As far as the Council is concerned, the U.S. Wardens are a bunch of mushrooms."
"Eh?"
"Kept in the dark and fed on bullshit.
Tags: humorous
Elsa's joke Where do baby apes sleep?
In apricots!
Tags: humorous
It’s alright, Kitten,” Bones said. “He won’t shoot.”
Tate lowered his gun, even as the sudden dizziness from blood-loss made me sway.
Bones took my gun and casually handed it to Juan, who gapped at him in amazement.
“You called her Kitten? And she let you? She put me in a coma for three days when I called her that. My balls never recovered from her smashing them into my spine.”
“And well she should have,” Bones agreed. “She’s mine. Kitten, and no one else’s.
Tags: humorous
It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt
Mark TwainTags: humorous
He was staring hard, not at his wife and me but at his daughter watching us. In his cold pupil, in the firm twist of his lips, was reflected Madame Miyagi's orgasm reflected in her daughter's gaze.
Italo Calvino« first previous
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