If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
Dick CavettTags: humorous
Two fairies were sleeping peacefully on his bed. Dinnie was immediately depressed. He knew that he did not have enough money to see a therapist.
Martin MillarTags: humorous
There's a name for people with an interest in the moon," Alex said. "They're called lunatics.
Anthony HorowitzTags: humorous
Not really a party until someone brings the surprise zombies.
Sarah Rees BrennanTags: humorous
But the three siblings were not born yesterday. Violet was born more than fifteen years before this particular Wednesday, and Klaus was born approximately two years after that, and even Sunny who had just passed out of babyhood, was not born yesterday. Neither were you, unless of course I am wrong, in which case, welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.
Lemony SnicketTags: humorous
I decided right then and there to make a snickerdoodle perfume to wear, so that one day he would sniff me like that.
Jessica VerdayTags: humorous
I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
Jerry SeinfeldTags: humorous
It was strange and amusing...and, honestly, a bit embarrassing...to realize how much being near Bella had softened me. It seemed like no one was afraid of me any more. If Emmett found out about this, he would be laughing for the next century.
Stephenie MeyerTags: humorous
There were, however, a few exceptions.
One was Norma Dodsworth, the poet, who had not unpleasantly drunk but had been sensible enough to pass out before any violent action proved necessary. He had been deposited, not very gently, on the lawn, where it was hoped that a hyena would give him a rude awakening. For all practical purposes he could, therefore, be regarded as absent.
Tags: funny alcohol humorous drunk drink
The tiny space, the toilet, two hundred strangers just a few inches away, it's so exciting, the lack of room to maneuver, it helps if you're double-jointed. Use your imagination. Some creativity and a few simple stretching exercises and you can be knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door. You'll be amazed how time flies.
Chuck PalahniukTags: sex humorous airplane-toilets
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