You know," she said, stirring her tea, "the fastest way to get him off your back is to sleep with him. And tell him you love him. Preferably while in bed."
I smirked and the tea almost came out of my nose. "He'd run like he was on fire.
Tags: kate curran ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-burns aunt-b
If you don't explain it all to me, I might strangle somebody." Of course, Raphael might like that...
Ilona AndrewsTags: kate soup curran ilona-andrews kate-daniels raphael magic-burns aunt-b hyenas
The decorator of Las Colimas must have been a great admirer of both early Aztec and late Taco Bell architectural styles.
Ilona AndrewsTags: kate ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-bites las-colimas styles
When life backs you into a corner and offers you no escape, when your friends, your lover, and your family abandon you, when you're at the end of your rope, panicked, alone, and losing your mind, you know you'd give anything to make your problems go away. Then, desperate and eager, you will come to Unicorn Lane, seeking salvation in its magics and secrets. You'll do anything, pay any price. Unicorn Lane will take you in, shroud you in its power, fix your problems, and exact its price. And then you will learn what 'anything' really means.
Ilona AndrewsTags: kate anything ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-bites unicor-lane
On the other hand it was bad manners to look a gift horse in the mouth. Even if you're getting it from an overweight cracker in a fringe shirt.
Ilona AndrewsTags: kate ilona-andrews kate-daniels ted magic-bites fringe-shirt gift-horse
You know anything about investigative work?"
"Sure. Annoy the people involved until the guilt party tries to make you go away.
Tags: kate ilona-andrews kate-daniels annoying magic-bites investigative-work
I thought of telling him that if it wasn't for Oklahoman cowboys and Mexican whores having a bit of fun, there would've been no Texans, but that would be counterproductive.
Ilona AndrewsTags: kate ilona-andrews kate-daniels texans magic-bites
Did he just rip out the engine?" I asked.
"Yes", Saiman said. "And now he is demolishing the Maserati with it."
Ten seconds later Curran hurled the twisted wreck of black and orange that used to be the Maserati into the wall.
The first melodic notes of an old song came from the computer. I glanced at Saiman.
He shrugged. "It begged for a soundtrack.
Tags: humor kate-daniels
Are you sure you know where you're going?" Andrea frowned.
"Would you like me to pull over and ask that bamboo for directions?"
"I don't know, do you think it will answer?"
We peered at the bamboo.
"I think it looks suspicious," Andrea said.
"Maybe there is a heffalump hiding in it."
Andrea stared at me.
"You know, heffalump? From Pooh Bear?"
"Where do you even get this shit?
Tags: kate-daniels andrea
I'll be busy for the next eight weeks, so let's set this for November 15th.
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I want lamb or venison steak. Baked potatoes with honey butter. Corn on the cob. Rolls. And apple pie, like the one you made before. I really liked it. I want it with ice cream.
You owe me one naked dinner, but I'm not a complete beast, so you can wear a bra and panties if you so wish. The blue ones with the bow will do.
Curran,
Beast Lord of Atlanta
Tags: food curran ilona-andrews kate-daniels magic-strikes naked-dinner
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