Oh God just look at me now... one night opens words and utters pain... I cannot begin to explain to you... this... I am not here. This is not happening. Oh wait, it is, isn't it?
I am a ghost. I am not here, not really. You see skin and cuts and frailty...these are symptoms, you known, of a ghost. An unclear image with unclear thoughts whispering vague things...
If I told you what was really in my head, you''d never let me leave this place. And I have no desire to spend time in hell while I'm still, in theory, alive.
Tags: reality weak crazy thoughts symptoms mental-health mental-illness ghost hospital cutting self-injury unreal self-harm derealization suicidal cuts frail psychiatric-hospital
A personality disorder is not the foreign presence of demonic possession or a cancerous cluster of cells spreading among the internal organs. It is a pattern of cognition and reaction that impares the capacity to be productive, happy and generally at ease. It is a fractured sense of self giving way to the weight of stressful interpersonal dynamics.
Merri Lisa JohnsonTags: mental-health mental-illness personality-disorder
It took me far too long to realize that lost years and relationships cannot be recovered. That damage done to oneself and others cannot always be put right again.
Kay Redfield JamisonTags: depression mental-health mental-illness manic-depression
Once a restless or frayed mood has turned to anger, or violence, or psychosis, Richard, like most, finds it very difficult to see it as illness, rather than being willful, angry, irrational or simply tiresome.
Kay Redfield JamisonTags: mental-health mental-illness manic-depression
For someone like myself in whom the ability to trust others is so cracked and broken that I am wretchedly timid and am forever trying to read the expression on people's faces.
Osamu DazaiTags: fear life friendship loneliness trust depression social-anxiety mental-illness human-relationships social-awkwardness
[...] I was afraid to board a streetcar because of the conductor; I was afraid to enter the Kabuki Theater for fear of the usherettes standing along the sides of the red-carpeted staircase at the main entrance; I was afraid to go into a restaurant because I was intimidated by the waiters furtively hovering behind me waiting for my plate to be emptied.
Osamu DazaiTags: fear life loneliness paranoia depression social-anxiety mental-illness social-awkwardness
Even now it comes as a shock if by chance I notice in the street a face resembling someone I know however slightly, and I am at once seized by a shivering violent enough to make me dizzy.
Osamu DazaiTags: fear life friendship loneliness paranoia friendships depression social-anxiety mental-illness human-relationships social-awkwardness
What is society but an individual? [...] The ocean is not society; it is individuals. This was how I managed to gain a modicum of freedom from my terror at the illusion of the ocean called the world.
Osamu DazaiTags: fear life friendship school society people work loneliness paranoia depression social-anxiety mental-illness social-awkwardness
He could only consider me as the living corpse of a would-be suicide, a person dead to shame, an idiot ghost.
Osamu DazaiTags: fear life friendship death loneliness suicide depression social-anxiety mental-illness social-awkwardness suicidal
Show me what you've written," I said, although I wanted desperately to avoid looking at it.
Osamu DazaiTags: fear life friendship love loneliness hypocrisy depression social-anxiety mental-illness social-awkwardness
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