[...] I was afraid to board a streetcar because of the conductor; I was afraid to enter the Kabuki Theater for fear of the usherettes standing along the sides of the red-carpeted staircase at the main entrance; I was afraid to go into a restaurant because I was intimidated by the waiters furtively hovering behind me waiting for my plate to be emptied.
Osamu DazaiTags: fear life loneliness paranoia depression social-anxiety mental-illness social-awkwardness
Even now it comes as a shock if by chance I notice in the street a face resembling someone I know however slightly, and I am at once seized by a shivering violent enough to make me dizzy.
Osamu DazaiTags: fear life friendship loneliness paranoia friendships depression social-anxiety mental-illness human-relationships social-awkwardness
What is society but an individual? [...] The ocean is not society; it is individuals. This was how I managed to gain a modicum of freedom from my terror at the illusion of the ocean called the world.
Osamu DazaiTags: fear life friendship school society people work loneliness paranoia depression social-anxiety mental-illness social-awkwardness
And I was incapable of living all by myself in those lodgings where I didn't know a soul. It terrified me to sit by myself quietly in my room. I felt frightened, as if I might be set upon or struck by someone at any moment.
Osamu DazaiTags: fear life loneliness paranoia depression social-anxiety mental-illness social-awkwardness
I swear that I will never cause trouble for anybody, as long as I live!! So please! Nobody cause any trouble for me, either!!
Minoru FuruyaTags: fear life society people work living paranoia manga social-anxiety high-school mental-illness
Feelings are something you have; not something you are.
Shannon L. AlderTags: love identity hate joy self emotions anger paranoia feelings illness confusion overcoming who-you-are suspician
Poor things, she thought - do they have to spend all this energy just to surround me? It seemed pitiful that these automatons should be created and wasted, never knowing more than a minor fragment of the pattern in which they were involved, to learn and follow through insensitively a tiny step in the great dance which was seen close up as the destruction of Natalie, and far off, as the end of the world.
They had all earned their deaths, Natalie thought, by a job well done - the woman in the seat ahead who had never needed a face, had perhaps been given for her part only the back of a head and a dark cloth coat collar, the man in the seat next to Natalie, a full-dress part, even to the watchchain and the grimy shirt collar - had not this same man, as a matter of fact, been close to Natalie in the station, memorising her face so that although when next they met she would not know him, he would be able to identify her, winking and gesturing with his head to the others, murmuring perhaps to the bus driver, 'That one, there.
Tags: reality paranoia solipsism
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