I'm back in the basement of the Ascension Catholic Church, Francisco. And Little Suzie is here. She's lying on an alter, and they're hurting her. The bastards. They're hurting her. There is blood all over the place. There are candles burning and people chanting." I could hardly believe what I was seeing and I cried out, "What is this? I don't understand. What the hell is this?"
"Ask your unconscious mind to tell you, Suzie," he responded, ever so gently. "Ask."
I did ask. And the answer swept over me with a force so strong that I felt as if I had been knocked backward.
"Lord! Oh, Lord. This is satanic ritual abuse, Francisco. That's what this is! That's what this is!" I screamed. "Satanic ritual abuse. And they're using Little Suzie as part of their goddamned ritual.
p150
Tags: memory ritual personality dissociation child-abuse trauma ritual-abuse abuse dissociative-identity-disorder satanic-ritual-abuse dissociative multiple-personality
I am truly crazy, I told myself. It's over. I am not fixable. I cannot tell Tom. I cannot even tell Francisco. So I won't tell anyone. My brain seemed out of control. Tom does not deserve a crazy wife and my children do not deserve a crazy mother. I finally get it. This is not just repressed memory. This is dissociative identity disorder.
Suzie BurkeTags: memory crazy amnesia dissociation ritual-abuse multiplicity dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder diagnosis satanic-ritual-abuse dissociative recovered-memory repressed-memory multiple-personality
I reflected on other victims I had met and how they were raped right on the altars of their own churches. Some of them were altar boys, and they were abused before or after mass. An altar boy walked right in front of us as we sat there. I began to shake, sweat, and become very uneasy. I felt frozen in my seat.
Charles L. Bailey Jr.Tags: church rape ritual catholic ritual-abuse priests pedophile altar clergy-abuse ritualistic-abuse
I was amazed, shocked, and sickened by what I heard throughout the day, over and over, by many victims' stories. I can think of no one with whom I didn't recognize a common thread. These monsters, these evil priests, used the same words and methods on all of us. With each session, I would find something that sent a cold chill down my spine. It amazed and frightened me that the actual words used on me, to rape me, to rape me, were the same as the words used on so many others from all over the United States. You would think that all these priests either were educated in how to concur and rape us, or they met privately with each other to compare notes and develop their plan of attack on us. The pattern was so much the same, with the same words, that you would swear it was scripted and disbursed to these priests. Do they secretly have closed-door meetings on how to abuse us? A chilling thought.
Neary's routine of saying the “Our Father” during the rape and making me say it with him, repeating the “thy will be done” over and over, the absolution given me after he “finished,” the threats of having God take my parents away, the lectures about offering my suffering up to God, etc., etc., etc. My experience was identical, word-for-word, to that of many others. The exact words during the abuse were not just close, but exactly the same, as if it were some kind of abuse ritual. Ritual abuse is not limited to the religious definition and can include compulsive, abusive behavior performed in an exact series of steps with little variation. How could these similarities occur without the priests taking the same “abuse seminar” together some place, somehow? Was it taught in the seminary? In some dark corner? It goes beyond coincidence—the similarities in deeds and verbiage that these predators use on us. It truly chilled me to the very marrow of my bones.
Tags: church secret rape ritual victim catholic priest victims ritual-abuse survivor priests rituals coverup pedophile altar clergy-abuse pedophile-priests ritualistic-abuse cover-up organised-abuse organized-abuse
They like to use those fancy words. They don't like to say “raped,'” he said. “They say “misdeed,' “inappropriate touching,' “mistake.' That's insulting. I'm not a mistake.
Charles L. Bailey Jr.Tags: church secret denial rape ritual victim catholic priest victims ritual-abuse survivor priests rituals coverup pedophile altar clergy-abuse pedophile-priests ritualistic-abuse cover-up organised-abuse organized-abuse minimization pedophile-protector
….Nothing was inevitable. She had not chosen this way. It was her fate. It had been decided since before time began. It had been decided before she began. Nothing could be done. There was no point in trying. It was way too late. The inevitability of nothing was totally supreme, overriding everything. No way out. No way through. She could only accept the unacceptable. She could only endure the unendurable. Nothing was wrong!
Nothing was wrong and the wrongness of this awesome nothing seeped from her. Some people, only a few, saw it. Some people, only a few felt it. Some people, only a few, recognised it and in recognising it for what it was, raged against it. Through the nothingness, these few reached out for her.
She could not reach back. Through the nothingness, these few fought for her. She could not fight back for herself. Through the nothingness, these few cared for her. She could not care back for herself. Through the nothingness, these few spoke out for her, shattering the frozen silence over and over again. She could not speak out for herself…. “
*I hope this may give some comfort to people who need it. There are good, caring people (whether outside or within yourself, if need be) and you do deserve to be cared for and supported as much as anyone else does."
From “Nothing”, one of the short stories in “Fight! Rabbit! Fight!
Tags: silence comfort hopelessness care neglect ritual-abuse abuse unendurable emotional-abuse emotional-neglect
Audio of interview - Valerie Sinason
Tags: society law police survivors uk psychotherapist child-abuse occult ritual-abuse sexual-abuse crowley satanism therapist psychoanalyst satanic-ritual-abuse sra paedophile child-sex-abuse society-problem ritualistic-abuse jimmy-savile paedophile-ring pedophiles savile
Audio of interview - Valerie Sinason
Tags: society change law police survivors uk psychotherapist child-abuse victims ritual-abuse sexual-abuse satanism therapist psychoanalyst satanic-ritual-abuse sra paedophile child-sex-abuse society-problem ritualistic-abuse jimmy-savile paedophile-ring pedophiles savile
Audio of interview - Valerie Sinason
Tags: society law police survivors uk psychotherapist child-abuse ritual-abuse sexual-abuse satanism private-eye therapist psychoanalyst satanic-ritual-abuse sra paedophile child-sex-abuse society-problem ritualistic-abuse jimmy-savile paedophile-ring pedophiles savile
The memories seem to come in layers. For example, the first memory might be of incest; then they remember robes and candles; next they realize that their father or mother or both were present when they were being abused. Another layer will be the memory of seeing other people hurt and even killed. Then they remember having seen babies killed. Another layer is realizing that they participated in the sacrifices. One of the most painful memories may be that they even sacrificed their own baby. With each layer of memory comes another set of problems with which they must deal.
— Glenn L. Pace; "Ritualistic Child Abuse," memo
Tags: parents murder investigation babies rape sacrifice police child-abuse trauma ritual-abuse sexual-abuse abuse incest utah layers memo ritualistic-child-abuse
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