If this is the best of possible worlds, what then are the others?
VoltaireTags: optimism satire best-world
A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?
Stephen ColbertTags: humor family satire parenting role-models fatherhood
They always loved my sense of humor. There used to be a light switch inside one of the nurseries that was a cutout of Jesus putting his arm around two children on each side of him as he towered above them. The switch was ironically located in the spot of where his penis would have been and I was the first to point this out. Everyone thought it was funny until I started singing the childhood church song “Jesus Loves the Little Children.” In fear of being struck by lightning or being involved in a massive pile-up car accident after leaving, their laughing ceased. I still thought it was funny.
Chase BrooksTags: humor church satire jesus
When the world has once begun to use us ill, it afterwards continues the same treatment with less scruple or ceremony, as men do to a whore.
Jonathan SwiftTags: humor life inspirational satire
Just for a while": Death's opening chat-up line in His great seduction, before he drugged you with soporific comforts, distracted you with minor luxuries and ensnared you with long-term payment plans.
Join the Rat Race "just for a while."
Concentrate on your career "just for a while."
Move in with your girlfriend "just for a while."
Find a bigger place, out in the burbs "just for a while."
Lie down in that wooden box "just for a while.
Tags: death satire ennui burbs suburbs
Boggle with sex addicts is up there with go-kart racing with junkies.
Russell BrandTags: humor inspirational satire goal-setting
An Ass put on a Lion's skin and went
About the foreset with much merriment,
Scaring the foolish beasts by brooks and rocks,
Till at last he tried to scare the Fox. But Reynard, hearing from beneath the mane
That Raucous voice so petulant and vain,
Remarked. O' Ass, I too would run away,
But that I know your old familiar bray'.
That's just the way with asses, just the way.
Nothing can be more notorious than the calumnies and invectives with which the wisest measures and most virtuous characters of The United States have been pursued and traduced [By American Newspapers]
Thurgood MarshallTags: humour satire certain-truth
Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Ambrose BierceTags: humor certainty satire mistakes positive self-assurance errors assertions
Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.
Ambrose BierceTags: humor satire apologies offences
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