Valkyrie made a face. "Bloody vampires."
Ryan sat forward. "That was a vampire? That guy who looked like an accountant?"
"We don't talk about vampires," Skulduggery warned.
"But it was daytime. How could he have been out during the-"
"We don't talk about vampires!" Valkyrie said sharply.
Ryan shrunk back. "Sorry," he said.
"Don't worry about it," Skulduggery told him. "Valkyrie used to date a vampire that's all."
"We didn't date ," Valkyrie said immediately.
Skulduggery held a hand up. "I'm not judging."
Valkyrie scowled.
Tags: dating vampires ryan skulduggery-pleasant valkyrie-cain
It's really not as bad as it sounds. I was attacked by a shark once, back when I was alive. Well, not so much a shark as a rather large fish. And not so much attacked as looked at menacingly. But it had murder in its eyes, that fish. I knew, in that instant, if our roles had been reversed and the fish had been holding the fishing pole and I had been the one to be caught, it wouldn't hesitate a moment before eating me. So I cooked it and ate before it had a chance to turn the tables.
Derek LandyTags: skulduggery-pleasant
He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key chain and the car beeped and the doors locked.
"That's it?"
He looked up. "Sorry?"
"Aren't you afraid it might get stolen? We're not exactly in a good part of town."
"It's got a car alarm."
"Don't you, like, cast a spell or something? To keep it safe?"
"No. It's a pretty good car alarm.
Tags: funny skulduggery skulduggery-pleasant
She's you, without your conscience, or your feelings. She's you without your humanity."
"You're saying she's a mood swing?"
He shrugged. "Or maybe you're her mood swing."
"Don't even joke about that.
Tags: humor skulduggery-pleasant mood-swing
The next time? Oh, my dear Eliza, you're not going to carry on with this, are you? The Faceless Ones had their chance. They returned and they were sent away again. It's time to move on. Time to take up another hobby, like crocheting, or serial killing.
Derek LandyTags: humor hobbies skulduggery-pleasant china-sorrows
Fletcher appeared beside her. He peered at the baby.
"Can it do any tricks yet?"
"I'm still working on it. Want to hold her?"
"God, no," Fletcher said laughing. "I'd drop it."
"It's not an it, it's my baby sister. Go on, hold her. You won't make a mess of it, i swear. Only an idiot could drop a baby."
"You always say I am an idiot."
"But you're a special kind of idiot. Here."
She passed Alice into his arms, and he stood there, rigid, a look of intense concentration on his face.
Tags: babies idiots derek-landy skulduggery-pleasant
Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan.'
'Do we have the right plan?'
'Not yet.'
'Do we have any plan?'
'Not yet.
Tags: skulduggery-pleasant
I am a rational man, but haven't you heard? i'm also insane. It gives me a unique perspective on things.
Derek LandyTags: skulduggery-pleasant
I'm sorry? No more smooches is worse than the world ending?
Derek LandyTags: humor skulduggery-pleasant valkyrie-cain caelan
Clarabelle...Clarabelle... You worked as Kenspeckle Grouse's assistant, did you not?'
'One of the. He fired all the others.'
'But not you?'
'He fired me on the second day, but I kept coming in. I had nowhere else to go.'
'And then you killed him.'
'Yes.'
'A Remnant squirmed inside you, and you killed Kenspeckle Grouse.'
'Yes.'
Nye grinned. 'You're hired. But I have warn you, if you try to kill me, I will dissect you and sing along to your screams.'
'Can I have Mondays off?'
'You may.
Tags: humor skulduggery-pleasant clarabelle dr-nye
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