What should be standing in the shoes of passion, and be walking on the plans of action is sitting in the ink on the papper. Why? Because of the fear to start.
Israelmore AyivorTags: fear panic walking fright initiation afraid standing terror ink starting paper beginning fears start begin sitting phobia stand walk frighten fearful a-step initiate sit write-down-the-dreams
When sleep came, I would dream bad dreams. Not the baby and the big man with a cigarette-lighter dream. Another dream. The castle dream.
A little girl of about six who looks -like me, but isn’t me, is happy as she steps out of the car with her daddy. They enter the castle and go down the steps to the dungeon where people move like shadows in the glow of burning candles. There are carpets and funny pictures on the walls. Some of the people wear hoods and robes. Sometimes they chant in droning voices that make the little girl afraid. There are other children, some of them without any clothes on. There is an altar like the altar in nearby St Mildred’s Church. The children take turns lying on that altar so the people, mostly men, but a few women, can kiss and lick their private parts. The daddy holds the hand of the little girl tightly. She looks up at him and he smiles. The little girl likes going out with her daddy.
I did want to tell Dr Purvis these dreams but I didn’t want her to think I was crazy, and so kept them to myself. The psychiatrist was wiser than I appreciated at the time; sixteen-year-olds imagine they are cleverer than they really are. Dr Purvis knew I had suffered psychological damage as a child, that’s why she kept making a fresh appointment week after week. But I was unable to give her the tools and clues to find out exactly what had happened.
Tags: cooking horror crazy torture victim castle mental-health therapy terror dissociation psychotherapist psychological ritual-abuse sexual-abuse survivor dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder therapist out-of-body derealization dissociative paedophile-ring pedophiles
It is hard for one who has not had a similar experience to imagine the terror that still gripped Taeko and Mrs. Tamaki and Hiroshi, so intense a terror that afterwards it seemed almost funny.
Jun'ichirō TanizakiBanned and lionised by drunken cactuses,
eternally sanguine in black and white, raw like the majestic sex on her ruby red deathswoman mouth, silver-coated terror in her eyes.
Tags: black terror ruby drunken majestic sanguine
the flames are silent,
Peace is violent,
Tears are frozen
’cause massacre was chosen.
~~ 26/11– Mumbai terror attack memories
Tags: poetry peace poem tears violence terrorism terror mumbai 26-11
One of the paradoxical and transformative aspects of implicit traumatic memory is that once it is accessed in a resourced way (through the felt sense), it, by its very nature, changes. Out of the shattered fragments of her deeply injured psyche, Jody discovered and nurtured a nascent, emergent self. From the ashes of the frantically activated, hypervigilant, frozen, traumatized girl of twenty-five years ago, Jody began to reorient to a new, less threatening world. Gradually she shaped into a more fluid, resilient, woman, coming to terms with the felt capacity to fiercely defend herself when necessary, and to surrender in quiet ecstasy.
Peter A. LevineTags: fear mind memory body healing treatment mental-health terror mental-illness posttraumatic-stress-disorder trauma ptsd freeze frozen overwhelmed traumatized healing-trauma fight-flight frozen-in-time
In response to threat and injury, animals, including humans, execute biologically based, non-conscious action patterns that prepare them to meet the threat and defend themselves. The very structure of trauma, including activation, dissociation and freezing are based on the evolution of survival behaviors. When threatened or injured, all animals draw from a "library" of possible responses. We orient, dodge, duck, stiffen, brace, retract, fight, flee, freeze, collapse, etc. All of these coordinated responses are somatically based- they are things that the body does to protect and defend itself. It is when these orienting and defending responses are overwhelmed that we see trauma.
The bodies of traumatized people portray "snapshots" of their unsuccessful attempts to defend themselves in the face of threat and injury. Trauma is a highly activated incomplete biological response to threat, frozen in time. For example, when we prepare to fight or to flee, muscles throughout our entire body are tensed in specific patterns of high energy readiness. When we are unable to complete the appropriate actions, we fail to discharge the tremendous energy generated by our survival preparations. This energy becomes fixed in specific patterns of neuromuscular readiness. The person then stays in a state of acute and then chronic arousal and dysfunction in the central nervous system. Traumatized people are not suffering from a disease in the normal sense of the word- they have become stuck in an aroused state. It is difficult if not impossible to function normally under these circumstances.
Tags: fear mind memory body healing treatment mental-health terror mental-illness posttraumatic-stress-disorder trauma ptsd freeze frozen overwhelmed traumatized healing-trauma fight-flight frozen-in-time
...my father, [was] a mid-level phonecompany manager who treated my mother at best like an incompetent employee. At worst? He never beat her, but his pure, inarticulate fury would fill the house for days, weeks, at a time, making the air humid, hard to breathe, my father stalking around with his lower jaw jutting out, giving him the look of a wounded, vengeful boxer, grinding his teeth so loud you could hear it across the room ... I'm sure he told himself: 'I never hit her'. I'm sure because of this technicality he never saw himself as an abuser. But he turned our family life into an endless road trip with bad directions and a rage-clenched driver, a vacation that never got a chance to be fun.
Gillian FlynnTags: love rage family parents silence communication fight childhood mother anger parenthood fighting malice parents-and-children heartbreak sexism fury divorce terror father abuse scared heartbroken fights love-lost childhood-memories abusive-parents emotional-abuse abusive mental-abuse broken-home
And it was not merely tens of thousands, or hundreds of thousands, but hundreds of millions of people who were the obedient witnesses of this slaughter of the innocent. Nor were they merely obedient witnesses: when ordered to, they gave their support to this slaughter, voting in favour of it amid a hubbub of voices. There was something unexpected in their degree of obedience... The extreme violence of the totalitarian social systems proved able to paralyse the human spirit throughout whole continents.
Vasily GrossmanTags: human-nature totalitarianism holocaust terror facism stalinism
His body tensed as his gut was struck with a frozen bullet of shock. He couldn’t breathe.
Sidney KnightTags: fear lies secrets terror shock
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