There was simply no alternative to Dan, and the thought of that breaking or fading made him sick to his stomach.
"You're all I have, Dan. Every bit." (Vadim)
You everything I need. I'm just saying, I trust you. Whatever you want to do. I need you. And that includes ways and things that everybody else would shy away from. Because we're not everybody, Dan. We're us.
Aleksandr VoinovHe broke me and since then, I just couldn't get rid of him. Not that I wanted to, but..." Vadim shook his head, chewed on his lip. "Ah, fuck."
"That's not love." The words came out of Hooch, without thinking. The truth did not meet the expectation, not after what he'd witnessed.
Vadim shook his head. "It wasn't. Of course not. How could it have been?
The fact there was the desire that had been the basis of everything, much before any feelings or thoughts had become important, complicating it all.
"I missed you, Dan. Everything.
And all I know is that I can't lose you. I need you. You keep me together. You keep me going."
"That's a big fucking lot of responsibility, isn't it?" Dan's dark eyes were vulnerable, "you need me, or you love me. Wich one is it? And is there room for understanding me as well?"
"It's both, Dan. Not either or." Vadim touched his face to Dan's. "And I'll try harder, understanding you.
I love you, don't you fucking see that?"
Dan was desperate, grabbing hold of the second wrist, shaking Vadim. "But how can I do that if you can't love me? If you need me instead of love me? If you fall in love with someone else, while expecting me to keep you together? How the fuck is that going to work? It fucking hurts, you understand? And I don't know what the fuck to do about it, because I can't just switch off and stop loving you. It doesn't work like that. It'll never happen, you get me? I tried that shit, several times already, but there's no fucking way I'll ever not love you and that fucking hurts like fucking shit when you're someone I don't recognise anymore!
So that's what I am about? Keeping you together?" Dan turned to face Vadim, and he was pale under the tan. "Keeping you alive? What the fuck happened to the touches in the cave, to the vows and the cutting, to the one fucking big thing that isn't about need and doing but about being? What the fuck happened to the love?" He shook his head, agitated, and damn, this was painful all of sudden. "I don't want to be needed. I want to be loved, for fuck's sake.
Aleksandr VoinovSo that's what I am about? Keeping you together?" Dan turned to face Vadim, and he was pale under the tan. "Keeping you alive? What the fuck happened to the touches in the cave, to the vows and the cutting, to the one fucking big thing that isn't about need and doing but about being? What the fuck happened to the love?" He shook his head, agitated, and damn, this was painful all of sudden. "I don't want to be needed
Aleksandr VoinovVadim covered Dan's hand on his tight and thought how very strange it was that something that had started like that could now be like this. All that violence could smooth out into something so deep and good that it very nealry brought tears to his eyes.
Aleksandr VoinovOnce upon a time there was a Scottish SAS soldier in Kabul. He met a Soviet Spetsnaz soldier. They were enemies first, then shagged for nine years, fell in love at some stage. Dragons, battles, and damsels in distress in between, until an evil wizard took the Spetsnaz away. The Scot and the damsel battled the vile foes, until the Russian returned, but the evil spell still hat him in its claws. More dragons, battles, knights in not-so shiny armour later, the spell got broken, the Princes got reunited, and our Russian and Scotsman kind of lived happily ever after." (Dan)
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