Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives.
BauvardMots clés humor children funny shame
Water is very bad for one’s health. People in third world countries seem to drink nothing but water, and they are always dying.
BauvardNight clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.
BauvardMots clés humor science education funny
Einstein’s remark on the limitlessness of human stupidity is made even more disturbing by the discovery that infinity comes in different sizes. Answering ‘How much stupider?’ or trying to measure the minimal idiocy bounded by an IQ test are mysteries which are themselves infinitely less alarming than simply attempting to tally the anti-savant population. One can count all the natural idiots (they’re the same as the even number of idiots – twice as many), but the number of real idiots continues forever: all the counting idiots (finger reckoners) plus all the fractional idiots (geniuses on a bad day) plus all the irrational idiots (they go on and on and on) add up to a world in which the approaching upper limit of our set of natural resources has its complement in the inexhaustible lower limit of our set of mental ones.
BauvardMots clés einstein infinity misattributed-to-einstein numbers
Buddhism: a violent religion that has compensated for the exploding human population by causing whole species of animal vessels to go extinct.
BauvardI bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.
BauvardBike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers.
BauvardLike a valet who commits grand theft auto not to go for a joy ride but to open a used car lot, so do we seize upon love not to revel in its ecstasies but to haggle over its blue-book value.
BauvardSo many things happen that we can't control, its best not to worry about what we can. Believing you can change the world has a terrible effect on one's ego.
BauvardJust relax. Everyone around you is working too hard.
BauvardMots clés humor funny relaxation work-ethic
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