It’s called Two and a Half Men,” Dermot was telling his guest.
“I understand,” Bellenos said. “Because the two brothers are grown, and the son isn’t.”
“I think so,” Dermot said. “Don’t you think the son is useless?”
“The half? Yes. At home, we’d eat him,” Bellenos said.
We came to wish you a happy day,” Eric said. “And I suppose, as usual, Bill will want to express his undying love that surpasses my love, as he’ll tell you—and Pam will want to say something sarcastic and nearly painful, while reminding you that she loves you, too.”
Bill and Pam looked decidedly miffed at Eric’s preemptive strike, but I wasn’t going to let anything dim my mood.
“And what about you, Eric?” I asked on counterattack. “Are you going to tell me that you love me just as much as Bill, but in a practical way, while finding some way to subtly threaten me and simultaneously remind me that you may be leaving with Freyda?
I so seldom had to dispose of a human body myself, I was at a loss. Fairies turned into dust, and vampires flaked away. Demons had to be burned. Humans were very troublesome.
Charlaine HarrisBut I have no sex feelings about you, and I kind of feel the sleeping-together thing is just odd. So we're not doing the fairy sleep-athon of comfort anymore.
Charlaine Harris[Eric] 'So you want me to go to a human orgy, where I will not be welcome, and you want us to leave before I get to enjoy myself?'
[Sookie] 'Yes,' I said, almost squeaking in my anxiety. In for a penny, in for a pound. 'And... do you think you could pretend to be gay?
What are you, Zen Master Fang?
Charlaine HarrisBill, what's your favorite fantasy?" I asked. Weirdly enough, I felt much better after designing all these happy endings.
Bill glanced over at me quizzically. We were almost to my house. "My favorite fantasy? You come down into my daytime resting place stark naked," he said. I could see the gleam of his teeth as he smiled. "Oh wait," Bill said. "That's already happened."
"There's gotta be more to it," I said. Then I could have bitten off my tongue.
"Oh, there is." His eyes told me exactly what happened after that.
"And that's your fantasy? That I come into your house naked and have sex with you?"
"After that, you tell me that you have sent Eric on his way, that you want to be with mine forever, and that to share my life you will permit me to make you a vampire like me."
The silence now was thick, and the fun had drained out of the fantasy.
Then Bill added, "You know what I'd say when you told me this? I'd tell you I would never do such a thing. Because I love you.
I stopped for a moment, biting the inside of my cheek. This was the hardest part. "I want to be first. I know that's selfish, and maybe unattainable, and maybe shallow. But I just want to come first with someone. If that's wrong, so be it. I'll be wrong. But that's the way I feel.
Charlaine HarrisI could just envision Sam imagining that I wanted him to go out to the lake with me, only to be confronted by Jannalynn and whatever she thought of as a romantic dinner -- live rabbits they could chase together, maybe.
Charlaine HarrisPam said, "Sookie, I brought you something, too. I never thought I'd want to spend time with a human, but you're more tolerable than most ...
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