I've loved Hope since we were kids. But tonight? Tonight I fell in love with Sky.
Colleen HooverShould I really tell her how that made me feel? How I thought for sure Les had something to do with it or that it was divine intervention or a freaking miracle? Because I honestly feel like it was too perfect to be chalked up to coincidence.
Colleen Hoover...And I'm not ready to tell you I'm in love with you, because I'm not. Not yet. But whatever this I'm feeling - it's so much more than like...And for the past few weeks I've been trying to figure it out. I've been trying to figure out why there isn't some word to describe it. I want to tell you exactly how I feel but there isn't a single goddamned word in the entire dictionary that can describe this point between liking you and loving you, but I need that word..."
"Living,"she finally whispers.
"I live you, Sky...I live you so much.
I call her Val because it's short for Valium and I always tell her she needs to take that shit by the bucketful. I wasn't lying when I said she was fucking crazy.
Colleen HooverBut I'm not falling in love with her piece by piece anymore. I'm in love with the whole girl. Every single piece of her.
Colleen HooverPink shirt.
Don't think about her.
Long Sleeves.
Don't think about how you would do anything to go back to Saturday night.
Pleated black pants.
Don't think about how much you fucking hate yourself right now for letting her down.
But I do. I think about it and I become hurt and angry all over again.
You would think a person could only die once. You would think you would only find you sister's lifeless body once. You would think you would only have to watch your mother's reaction once after finding out her only daughter is dead.
Once is so far from accurate.
It happens repeatedly.
Every single time I close my eyes I see Les's eyes. Every time my mother looks at me, she's watching me tell her that her daughter is dead for the second time. For the third time. For the thousandth time. Every time I take a breath or blink or speak, I experience her death all over again. I don't sit here and wonder if the fact that she's dead will ever sink in. I sit here and wonder when I'll stop having to watch her die.
Mots clés dean-holder les-holder
As soon as the words leave her mouth, I'm completely consumed by a sense of peace. For the first time since the second she was taken away from me, I finally know what forgiveness feels like.
Colleen HooverMots clés colleen-hoover losing-hope
You did everything you could, but sometimes all the love in the world from mothers and brothers isn't enough to help pull someone out of their nightmare. We just need to accept that things are what they are, and all the guilt and regret in the world can't change that.
Colleen HooverMots clés colleen-hoover losing-hope
I'm gonna go live my life now, Les. A life I'm actually able to look forward to, and I'd honestly thought I'd never be able to say that. Then again, I'd honestly thought I'd always be hopeless, but I find hope every single day.
Colleen HooverMots clés colleen-hoover losing-hope
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