Nobody understands how hard it is, being a captain.
Dave BarryI don’t have much of a life now, and from what I’m told I’ll have even less where I’m going. If there’s something wonderful on this ship, I want to know what it is. This is my only chance.”
-Peter
He could even think about how fast he was thinking about things.
Dave BarryLand!” shouted Thomas.
“Is there food?” asked Tubby Ted.
When the cow jerks away, it’ll yank the door open.”
“But what’s going to make the cow jerk away?” asked Little Richard.
“You’re going to milk it,” said Slank.
“But I don’t know how to milk a cow!” said Little Richard.
“Exactly.
Who are you?” he said. “And why are you shouting?”
“I’m your first officer, sir,” said Slank. “Mr. Slank. I’m just relaying your orders to the crew.”
“Ah,” said Pembridge.
“The aft binnacle has been cast off, sir,” said Slank.
“The what?” said Pembridge.
“The aft binnacle,” said Slank. “As you ordered.”
“I did?” said Pembridge, squinting suspiciously. “When?”
“Just now, sir,” said Slank.
Pembridge blinked at Slank.
“Who are you, again?” he said.
“You first officer, sir,” said Slank.
Pembridge blinked again.
“My head hurts,” he said.
“Perhaps the captain would like to go to his cabin,” said Slank.
“You don’t tell me was to do,” said Pembridge. “I’m the captain.”
“Yes, sir,” said Slank.
“I’m going to my cabin,” said Pembridge.
His body rigid with terror as he waited for the savages to something horrible to him—bash his head with clubs, or stab him with spears, or…
…or tap him on the shoulder.
No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man.
Dave BarrySir,” James asked, “what are we going to do?”
“We’re going to look for water,” said Alf.
“And food?” said Tubby Ted.
“Water first,” said Alf. “We can go days without food.”
“We can what?” Tubby Ted shouted.
Alf pondered his next move. On the one hand, the savages seemed to be responding reasonably well to “How.” On the other hand they really weren’t making much progress.
At least they’re not eating us, he thought.
Ten seconds went by, then twenty, as Alf looked at the older savage, and the older savage looked at Alf. Finally, out of sheer nervousness, and unable to think of what else to do, Alf raised his right hand again. But this time, just as Alf began to speak, the savage rotated his spear from the vertical to the horizontal, pointing it toward Alf’s chest. Alf stopped in mid “How,” staring at the sharp pink spear tip, inches from his heart.
And the savage spoke.
Poking his spear tip against Alf’s chest, he said: “Can we move this conversation along, old chap? I’m getting frightfully tired of “How.
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