Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
Demetri MartinI am the Walrus, but not the one you're probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in the sense of legendary music and more the Walrus in the sense of his tendency to to lie around in places for too long.
Demetri MartinMots clés humor
Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
Demetri MartinMots clés humour demetri-martin this-is-a-book
REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
Demetri MartinMots clés humour demetri-martin this-is-a-book
It is illegal to yell “fire” in a crowded theater. If there is a fire, please yell something else instead, like “Flames!” or “Smoke maker!” or “Bad hot!
Demetri MartinMots clés humour demetri-martin this-is-a-book
THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the police sketch artist. This is one of the rare instances where two people can do one self-portrait.
Demetri MartinMots clés humour demetri-martin this-is-a-book
Like a lot of people, I’ve always enjoyed commenting on strangers’ outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on people’s hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better.
Demetri MartinMots clés humour demetri-martin this-is-a-book
100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.
Demetri MartinMots clés humor
Yes" actually means "No" 100% of the time, when the question is "Can I give you some advice?
Demetri MartinMots clés humor
I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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