A brick could be used as a blanket, if you’re a roach or politician. Warmth can be so crushing at times.
Jarod KintzA blanket could be used as a distraction. Wave it to the right, while you loot to the left.
Jarod KintzA blanket could be used to keep an iceberg warm. People are so selfish and want to stop global warming. Well, if you were a snowman, and were cold all the time, wouldn’t you welcome a little summer into your winter?
Jarod KintzA blanket could be wrapped around people who’ve recently been electrocuted, because I’ll bet it’s really warm under those covers. I’ve always wanted to roast marshmallows in my sleep.
Jarod KintzA blanket could be used to represent my feelings for you. I think it’s slightly more communicative than me giving you a scrap of paper with a doodle of an erect penis.
Jarod KintzA brick could be used to teach men how to dance, by learning balance. But a blanket could also teach men how to dance, by providing motivation to get good so they can get some under the covers later.
Jarod KintzA brick could be used to attract a potential life partner. Yes indeed, and it’s how I met my ex wife. And the only reason she didn’t become my life partner was because I outlived our relationship, despite her numerous attempts to kill me. I’m 31 years old now, so thank God for modern science enabling me to achieve such longevity.
Jarod KintzA brick could be used to stop a train. But I’ve got a better way to stop a speeding train. Stand firmly on the tracks, stare down the oncoming train, and boldly whisper, “Stop” as you hold out a stiff arm and just stand there. It might feel like you’re waiting your whole life for that train to stop, and quite possibly you will wait your whole life for that train to stop. But from that point your life expectancy has decreased to just a few seconds, so you won’t be waiting very long at all.
Jarod KintzA brick could be used as a Red Beard Replacement, for those of us who can’t grow facial hair, but desire the respect a beard brings.
Jarod KintzA brick could be used to foretell the future. But I’m the only one alive who knows how to make it work, and my occult knowledge can be rented out to you for $9.99 per minute. Call now, as supplies are limited. (Technically there’s only one future, but there are also as many futures as there are people willing to pay for it.)
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