A blanket could be used to say hello to a man who’s not only tone deaf, but also regular deaf. Just wave the blanket up and down, and be advised: If that blanket is red, he’s liable to charge you like a bull. I’d charge you too, if only I had your credit card information. 


Jarod Kintz


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A blanket could be used for selfish reasons. I would list those reasons, but they’re mine—all of them. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.


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A brick could be used to not be used. Is my hair waving in the wind, or are your eyes twitching?


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A blanket could be used, or it could not be used. They are opposites, but that doesn’t mean one is good and the other is bad.


Jarod Kintz


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A brick could be used to remind you. I would remind you of what you need to be reminded about, but that’s not my role—that’s the brick’s place.


Jarod Kintz


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A blanket could be used for anti-population-control purposes. Get naked and get under the blanket and I’ll show you how it works.


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A brick could be used to separate two types of people. On the left is a guy who loves my writing, and on the right is a girl who loves my writing. Now I love both people, but I love the girl in an entirely different way—the kind of way that involves a blanket.


Jarod Kintz


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A brick could be used as a pettable non-furry and non-meowing cat.


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A brick could be used to sell a blanket, in a buy one get one free situation. It doesn’t matter if it’s rubble, if it’s free people want it.


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A brick could be placed on your child’s cafeteria lunch tray, in place of the less appetizing and more unnatural food they normally serve.


Jarod Kintz


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