His specialty was alfalfa, and he made a good thing out of not growing any. The government paid him well for every bushel of alfalfa he did not grow. The more alfalfa he did not grow, the more money the government gave him, and he spent every penny he didn't earn on new land to increase the amount of alfalfa he did not produce. Major Major's father worked without rest at not growing alfalfa. On long winter evenings he remained indoors and did not mend harness, and he sprang out of bed at the crack of noon every day just to make certain that the chores would not be done. He invested in land wisely and soon was not growing more alfalfa than any other man in the county. Neighbours sought him out for advice on all subjects, for he had made much money and was therefore wise. “As ye sow, so shall ye reap,” he counselled one and all, and everyone said “Amen.
Joseph HellerWhile none of the work we do is very important, it is important that we do a great deal of it.
Joseph HellerPeople have a right to do anything that's not forbidden by law, and there's no law against lying to you.
Joseph HellerPolitically, he was a humanitarian who did know right from left and was trapped uncomfortably between the two. He was constantly defending his Communist friends to his right-wing enemies and his right-wing friends to his Communist enemies, and he was thoroughly detested by both groups, who never defended him to anyone because they thought he was a dope.
Joseph HellerMots clés communism humanitarianism
As far back as Yossarian could recall, he explained to Clevinger with a patient smile, somebody was always hatching a plot to kill him. There were people who cared for him and people who didn't, and those who hated him were out to get him. They hated him because he was Assyrian. But they couldn't touch him, he told Clevinger, because he had a sound mind in a pure body and was as strong as an ox. They couldn't touch him because he was Tarzan, Mandrake, Flash Gordon. He was Bill Shakespeare. He was Cain, Ulysses, the Flying Dutchman; he was Lot in Sodom, Deirdre of the Sorrows, Sweeney in the nightingales among trees. He was miracle ingredient Z-247. He was -
Crazy!" Clevinger interrupted, shrieking. "That's what you are! Crazy!" "immense. I'm a real slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I'm a bona fide Supraman."
"Superman?" Clevinger cried. "Superman?"
Supraman," Yossarian corrected.
Maybe I am senile already and people are too kind to tell me. People are not kind and would tell me. (Maybe people have told me, and I'm too senile to remember).
Joseph HellerYossarian was in love with the maid in the lime-colored panties because she seemed to be the only woman left he could make love to without falling in love with.
Joseph HellerMots clés love
Just for once I'd like to see all these things sort of straightened out, with each person getting exactly what he deserves. It might give me some confidence in this universe.
Joseph Heller- Kad sam bio klinac – odvrati Orr – hodao sam po cijeli dan s divljim jabukama u ustima. S po jednom ispod svakog obraza.
Yossarian odloži torbicu iz koje je počeo vaditi toaletne potrepštine, pa se sumnjičavo sav ukruti. Prođe jedna minuta.
- A zašto? – nije mogao da najposlije ne zapita.
Orr se slavodobitno naceri.
- Zato što su bolje nego divlje kestenje – odgovori.
Orr je klečao na podu šatora. Radio je bez predaha, rastavljao ventil, pomno rasprostirao sve sićušne djeliće, brojio ih i onda beskonačno proučavao svaki pojedini od njih, kao da nikad u životu nije vidio ništa ni približno slično, pa onda ponovo sastavljao cijeli mali mehanizam, pa opet, i opet, i opet, i opet, a da nije ni najmanje gubio strpljenje ni zanimanje, niti pokazivao znakove umora ni namjeru da ikad završi posao. Yossarian ga je promatrao kako se bakće, i bio je uvjeren da će biti prisiljen da ga ubije s predumišljajem ako ne bude prestao. Pogled mu pade na lovački nož koji je mrtvac objesio iznad okvira mreže protiv komaraca onoga dana kad je stigao. Nož je visio uz mrtvačevu praznu kožnu futrolu iz koje je Havermayer ukrao revolver.
- Kad nisam mogao doći do divljih jabuka – nastavi Orr – uzimao sam divlje kestenove. Divlji kestenovi su otprilike iste veličine kao divlje jabuke i zapravo imaju bolji oblik, iako oblik nije uopće važan.
- A zašto si nosio divlje jabuke u ustima? – upita ga iznova Yossarian. – To sam te pitao.
- Zato što imaju bolji oblik nego divlji kestenovi – odgovori Orr – Upravo sam ti to sad rekao.
- A zašto si ti – opsova Yossarian i zadivljeno – zlopogleđo, odrode i kučkin sine sa sklonošću za tehniku, nosio bilo šta u ustima?
- Ja nisam nosio bilo šta u ustima – reče Orr – Ja sam nosio divlje jabuke u ustima. Kad nisam imao divlje jabuke, nosio sam divlje kestenove. U ustima.
Orr se kesio. Yossarian odluči da šuti i šutio je. Orr je čekao. Yossarian je čekao dulje.
- Po jedan ispod svakog obraza – reče Orr.
- Zašto?
Orr to jedva dočeka.
- Kako zašto?
Yossarian odmahnu glavom smješkajući se i ne hoteći dalje govoriti.
- Nešto je čudno na ovom ventilu – razmišljaše Orr naglas.
- Šta to? – priupita Yossarian.
- Zato što sam htio…
Yossarian je već znao.
- Isuse Kriste! Zašto si htio…
- … Da imam obraze kao jabuke.
- … Da imaš obraze kao jabuke? – pripita Yossarian.
- Htio sam da imam obraze kao jabuke – ponovi Orr. – Još dok sam bio klinac, htio sam da jednom imam obraze kao jabuke, pa sam odlučio da radim na tome dok ih ne dobijem, i bogami sam radio dok ih nisam dobio, a eto vidiš kako sam to postigao, noseći divlje jabuke u ustima po cijele dane. On se ponovo naceri. – Po jednu ispod svakog obraza.
- A zašto si htio da imaš obraze kao jabuke?
- Nisam ja htio da imam obraze kao jabuke – reče Orr. – Ja sam htio da imam velike obraze. Nije mi bilo toliko stalo do boje, samo sam htio da budu veliki. Radio sam na tome baš kao oni luđaci o kojima pišu u novinama kako po cijele dane stišću gumene lopte samo zato da ojačaju ruke. Zapravo sam i ja bio jedan od tih luđaka. I ja sam po cijele dane nosio u rukama lopte.
- Zašto?
- Kako zašto?
- Zašto si po cijele dane nosio u rukama lopte?
- Zato što su lopte… - poče Orr.
- … Bolje nego divlje jabuke?
Orr odmahnu glavom smijuckajući se.
- Ja sam to radio zato da sačuvam svoj dobar glas, ako me tko uhvati kako nosim divlje jabuke u ustima. Kad sam imao lopte u rukama, mogao sam poricati da u ustima imam divlje jabuke. Kad god bi me tko zapitao zašto nosim u ustima divlje jabuke, samo bih otvorio šake i pokazao da nosim gumene lopte, a ne divlje jabuke, i da su mi u rukama, a ne u ustima. To je dobar izgovor. Ali nisam nikad znao jesam li ga jasno izložio, jer te ljudi prilično teško razumiju kad govoriš sa dvije divlje jabuke u ustima.
Mots clés yossarian jabuke kesteni obrazi orr
When people disagreed with him he urged them to be objective.
Joseph HellerMots clés humor
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