Behind me, I heard a young woman of 25 say, "If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college." Now, I'm gonna repeat that, because it bears repeating. "If it weren't for my horse..." as in, giddyup, giddyup, let's go — "I wouldn't have spent that year in college," which is a degree-granting institution. Don't think about that too long, or BLOOD will shoot out your NOSE!
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They should have a store next to the bookstore called the shit store where you can get shit books to read while on the shitter. No one reads great literature on the shitter.
Lewis BlackEach of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.
Lewis BlackMots clés individuality inspirational comedy
All you had to say was, 'I am a writer,' and you became one. You didn't even have to write anything. You could just sit in a coffee shop with a notebook and stare into space, with a slightly bemused look on your face, judging the weight of the world with a jaundiced eye. As you can see, you can be completely full of shit and still be a writer...I also thought it was going to be a great way to meet girls, but it wasn't--probably because as I was staring into space, I no doubt looked mildly retarded. You see, I wanted to write plays, which in retrospect is a lot harder than learning Mandarin, I think. How I ended up in this delusional state shall be saved for another time.
Lewis BlackApparently there is no profit in the unique, or not enough to make it worthwhile to preserve. Ultimately it drains the life out of us, and existentialism starts to make more and more sense.
Lewis BlackJust relax and breathe through your ass.
Lewis BlackWho knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?
Lewis BlackThat's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.
Lewis BlackMots clés religion damned-if-you-do damned-if-you-don-t taboo
They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen, because, who the fuck needs them? Or firemen, son of a bitch, it's much more fun watching something burn down.
Lewis BlackMots clés truth reality comedy fire budget economy taxes police broke public-services
I don't know if you've noticed, but our two-party system is a bowl of shit looking at itself in the mirror.
Lewis BlackMots clés black stark stand-up-comedy raving
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