Darkness surrounded me, a complete absence of light that left me shaking inside. No. It wasn’t the darkness that had me shaking. It was him. I could feel him, even if I could not see him. Oh yes, I could feel him. In every pore of my body, every nerve ending I owned, I could feel him.
Lisa Renee JonesI try to fight what I am feeling but his words play in my head. Anytime soon. Eventually he will leave. We need each other right now, I tell myself, two broken people who have connected in the depths of all our fucked-upness. I wonder why it feels that it isn’t enough when only days ago it was exactly what I wanted.
Lisa Renee JonesHe pulls the door shut behind him and drags me against him, murmuring softly, “I understand why you left. I understand everything.” I cling to him, holding on for what feels like dear life. “I should have told you.” “You would have.” He pulls back to look at me. “When you were ready. We all have to deal with our inner demons in our own way, in our own time.
Lisa Renee JonesMy voice softens. “But you’re right; I should have told you where I was going. I’m sorry to make you worry.” “Damn it, Sara.” He twines his fingers in my hair and lowers his mouth one hot breath from mine. “You are the reason I take my next breath,” he whispers. “Why can’t you see that?” His question steals the last of my anger. I soften against him, my fingers curving around his jaw. “Let’s go home, baby.” He kisses my forehead. “I have something to show you.
Lisa Renee JonesYou’re afraid to count on me.” “I’m afraid of not being able to count on me.” There is a hint of emotion in his stare before his expression becomes unreadable. He drops his hand from my arm. “I understand,” he states, his voice monotone, his expression impassive. I think I’ve hurt him, and reality slaps me in the face. I’ve let myself think of him as some kind of demon, to avoid the real demons of my past. In two small steps I am in front of him, wrapping my arms around him, and pressing my cheek to his chest. “I don’t think you realize how much I care about you, or how easily and badly you could hurt me.” I lift my head and let him see the truth in my face. “So yes, I’m scared to count on you.” Tension eases from his body, his expression softening. He runs his hand over my hair and there is gentleness in his touch. “Then we’ll be scared together.” “You’re scared?” I ask, surprised by such a confession. “You’re the best adrenaline rush of my life, baby. Far better than the pain you replaced.” For the first time, I think that maybe, just maybe, I am all Chris needs.
Lisa Renee JonesThis is who I am, Sara. I will protect you from everything and everyone else, but I can’t protect you from who I am or who we will be if you stay with me.” “I know who you are,” I whisper, and I am more clear of mind than I have been in a very long time. I need him. I’ve needed him from the moment I first met him. Even then, that first night, I felt free to let go with him, to be me, when I didn’t even recognize me. “But you need to know this, Chris. I know who I am now, too. I know what I need to stay with you. If you own my body, I own yours.” I’ve walked away from too much to be willing to settle for less than everything now.
Lisa Renee JonesIt’s our scars that define us, Sara. Diego has to live life to appreciate life.” “Yes.” A knot forms in my stomach at the idea that I still don’t know how deeply Chris’s scars define him.
Lisa Renee JonesWe just hold each other. Where I was once lost, he’s found me. But I know now that I have only begun to truly discover Chris. He’s still lost.
Lisa Renee JonesYou will go there again. You will. I’m not about to pretend otherwise. It’s all or nothing, Chris. All the dark, hated places you go, you go with me. You have to trust me enough to love that part of you as much as I do the rest.” “You don’t know what you’re asking.” “It’s not a question. It’s not even close to a request. This is how it has to be.” His lashes lower; his struggle is palpable, and I soften instantly, hurting as he hurts. My fingers find his hair, stroking tenderly. “Let me love what you hate. Let me do that for you.” He presses his cheek to mine, his whiskers a welcome rasp on my cheek. “God, woman. I can’t lose you.” I close my eyes and whisper, “I’m not going anywhere.
Lisa Renee JonesI decide to turn to my old faithful solution to all that is wrong in life. Coffee.
Lisa Renee JonesMots clés coffee
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