That's just stupid," said Chuck. "Have a look around at the rest of the animal kingdom lately? I'll have sex with anyone who doesn't try to kill me."
"And even then, as long as their butt smells good, I'm in," said Johnny Depp.
Come on! You must have at least suspected there was someone else," he said. "Couldn't you smell her on his pants?
Merrill MarkoeWhy do you always come in to kiss me while I'm on the toilet?" I asked.
"Makes us feel close to you," Chuck said, surprised I would ask. "Peeing is one of the special things we share.
Someone's at the door! Someone's at the door!!!" they both yelled.
"I just told you, it's my—" I called, knowing they couldn't hear.
"Hey. Get away from the door, you miserable jack-off," I heard Chuck shout at my dad. "I'll rip your ass in half."
"Me too! I'll rip your ass in half, too!!" yelled Johnny Depp. "We hate you. We hate you. We hate you. We hate you."
"You guys, knock it off," I said, racing to open the door. "I just told you...it's my—Hi, Daddy," I said, hugging him.
"Come on in! Great to see you again!!" screamed Chuck.
"Thank God you're finally here!" screamed Johnny Depp. "We missed you. Where you been? Welcome back! Who are you??
Well, there's two kinds of peeing...There's regular peeing, because you have to pee. And then there's auxiliary competitive peeing. For acquiring empire. I'm all about the real estate.
Merrill MarkoeBy the time the last of these relationships ended I was such a quaking mass of colliding, exploding neurotransmitter malfunctions that the only coherent sentence I could form in my native tongue went: "Never again.
Merrill MarkoeMots clés love-romance
You just never know when it might be cookie time. And, that is what the dogs have taught me.
Merrill MarkoeYounger love, it seemed, was mainly about the idea of potential--the illusion that magical transformations were bound to occur when the person you think you love has a miraculous impromptu awakening after some metaphorical lightning bolt, made out of your wishes and projections, suddenly brings them to their senses. On the other hand, older love is all about what you are hoping is still possible, after you have mourned the death of the idea of yourself as manufacturer of miracles. Older love starts with the unpleasant truth that expecting a person to change for the better spontaneously, simply because you wish it, makes as much sense as counting on the lottery for next month's rent.
Merrill MarkoeAt least watching dirty movies can be kind of fascinating if they aren't too horribly strange. And even the horribly strange ones are still more interesting than televised sports.
Merrill MarkoeI have a very hard time getting to rage. I always assume that maybe I've done something wrong and then forgotten about it.
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