The “pass” was a normal-sized key with a wooden block the size of a brick attached to it. This was meant to broadcast the administration’s lack of faith in our ability to hold on to small objects.
Sloane CrosleySang’s ass was not so much an ass but a continuation of leg and bone, covered by pockets because society demanded it be covered by pockets.
Sloane CrosleyThe side effects of growing up ‘just outside of [insert major urban center here] are many but practically intangible. This is logical given the fact that suburbia itself is a side effect and practically intangible.
Sloane CrosleyPeople are less quick to applaud you as you grow older. Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.
Sloane CrosleyMots clés humor life-lessons
I am trying to absorb the situation and would like to do my absorption in peace. In general, I prefer to record all traumas and save them for later, playing them over and over so they can haunt me for a disproportionate number of weeks to come. It’s very healthy.
Sloane CrosleyI had no idea that people thought Jews had horns. Where I came from, Jews had good grades and BMWs".
Sloane CrosleyI thought I'd had another few decades before my noise complaint years.
Sloane CrosleyIf I ever have kids, this is what I'm going to do with them: I am going to give birth to them on foreign soil—preferably the soil of someplace like Oostende or Antwerp—destinations that have the allure of being obscure, freezing, and impossibly cultured. These are places in which people are casually trilingual and everyone knows how to make good coffee and gourmet dinners at home without having to shop for specific ingredients. Everyone has hip European sneakers that effortlessly look like the exact pair you've been searching for your whole life. Everything is sweetened with honey and even the generic-brand Q-tips are aesthetically packaged. People die from old age or crimes of passion or because they fall off glaciers. All the woman are either thin, thin and happy, fat and happy, or thin and miserable in a glamorous way. Somehow none of their Italian heels get caught in the fifteenth-century cobblestone. Ever.
Sloane CrosleyIt is my belief that people who speak of high school with a sugary fondness are bluffing away early-onset Alzeheimer's.
Sloane CrosleyI have never pictured my own wedding. I do want to get married. It's a nice idea. Though I think husbands are like tattoos-you should wait until you come across something you want on your body for the rest of your life...
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