Is Etienene okay?"
"Haven't seen him.He went to Ellie's last night."
Just when I thought I couldn't feel any worse.I twist the corners of my pillow. "Did I,uh,say anything weird to him last night?"
"Apart from acting like a jealous girlfriend and saying you never wanted to speak to him again? No. Nothing weird at all." I moan as she recounts the night for me blow by blow. "Listen," she says when she finishes, "what's the deal with you two?""
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean.You two are inseparable."
"Except when he's with his girlfriend."
"Right.So what's the deal?"
I groan again. "I don't know."
"Have you guys...you know...done anything?"
"No!"
"But you like him.And he likes you, too."
I stop choking my pillow. "You think?"
"Please.The boy gets a boner every time you walk in the room."
My eyes pop back open. Does she mean that figuratively or has she actually seen something? No. Focus, Anna. "So why-"
"Why is he still with Ellie? He told you last night. He's lonely, or at least he's scared of being lonely. Josh says with all of this stuff with his mom, he's been too freaked out to change anything else in his life."
So Meredith was right. Etienne is afraid of change. Why haven't I talked about this with Rashmi before? It seems obvious now.Of course she has inside information,because Etienne talks to Josh,and Josh talks to Rashmi.
"You really think he likes me?" I can't help it.
She sighs. "Anna.He teases you all the time. It's classic boy-pulling-girl's-pigtai-syndrome.And whenever anyone else even remotely does it,he always takes your side and tells them to shove it."
"Huh."
She pauses. "You really like him, don't you?"
I'm struggling not to cry. "No.It's not like that."
"Liar.So are you getting up today or what? You need sustenance.
We're in her bedroom,and she's helping me write an essay about my guniea pig for French class. She's wearing soccer shorts with a cashmere sweater, and even though it's silly-looking, it's endearingly Meredith-appropriate. She's also doing crunches. For fun.
"Good,but that's present tense," she says. "You aren't feeding Captain Jack carrot sticks right now."
"Oh. Right." I jot something down, but I'm not thinking about verbs. I'm trying to figure out how to casually bring up Etienne.
"Read it to me again. Ooo,and do your funny voice! That faux-French one your ordered cafe creme in the other day, at that new place with St. Clair."
My bad French accent wasn't on purpose, but I jump on the opening. "You know, there's something,um,I've been wondering." I'm conscious of the illuminated sign above my head, flashing the obvious-I! LOVE! ETIENNE!-but push ahead anyway. "Why are he and Ellie still together? I mean they hardly see each other anymore. Right?"
Mer pauses, mid-crunch,and...I'm caught. She knows I'm in love with him, too.
But then I see her struggling to reply, and I realize she's as trapped in the drama as I am. She didn't even notice my odd tone of voice. "Yeah." She lowers herself slwoly back to the floor. "But it's not that simple. They've been together forever. They're practically an old married couple. And besides,they're both really...cautious."
"Cautious?"
"Yeah.You know.St. Clair doesn't rock the boat. And Ellie's the same way. It took her ages to choose a university, and then she still picked one that's only a few neighborhoods away. I mean, Parsons is a prestigious school and everything,but she chose it because it was familiar.And now with St. Clair's mom,I think he's afraid to lose anyone else.Meanwhile,she's not gonna break up with him,not while his mom has cancer. Even if it isn't a healthy relationship anymore."
I click the clicky-button on top of my pen. Clickclickclickclick. "So you think they're unhappy?"
She sighs. "Not unhappy,but...not happy either. Happy enough,I guess. Does that make sense?"
And it does.Which I hate. Clickclickclickclick.
It means I can't say anything to him, because I'd be risking our friendship. I have to keep acting like nothing has changed,that I don't feel anything ore for him than I feel for Josh.
What are you doing?" He flops down next to me. "Checking your email?
St. Clair snorts. "Give the lad a medal for his brilliant skills in detection.
If I had a euro for every stupid thing I've done, I could buy the Mona Lisa.
Stephanie PerkinsWe are still holding hands.
Okay,we should let go.This is the point where it would be normal to let go.
Why aren't we letting go?
I force my gaze to the Grand Bassin. He does the same.We're not watching the boats. His hand is burning,but he doesn't let go.And then-he scoots closer. Just barely.I glance down and see the back of his shirt has crawled up,exposing a slice of his back.His skin is smooth and pale.
It's the sexiest thing I have ever seen.
He shifts again,and my body answers with the same.We're arm against arm, leg against leg.His hand crushes mine, willing me to look at hime.
I do.
Etienne's dark eyes search mine. "What are we doing?" His voice is strained.
He's so beautiful,so perfect. I'm dizzy. My heart pounds,my pulse races. I tilt my face toward his,and he answers with an identical slow tilt toward mine.He closes his eyes.Our lips brush lightly.
"If you ask me to kiss you,I will," he says.
His fingers stroke the inside of my wrists,and I burst into flames.
"Kiss me," I say.
He does.
I tell the annoying classmates to shove it, and Madame Guillotine gets mad at me. Not because I told them to shove it,but because I didn't say it in French. What is wrong with this school?
Stephanie PerkinsSchool has ruined cinema.It's official. There's nothing worth living for.
Stephanie PerkinsIs he crying? I lean forward for a better look and find him staring right at me.
Oh,no.Oh no oh no oh NO.
He stops. "Anna?"
"Um.Hi." My face is on fire. I want to rewind this reel,shut it off, destroy it.
His expression runs from confusion to anger. "Were you listening to that?"
"I'm sorry-"
"I can't believe you were eavesdropping!"
"It was an accident.I was passing by,and...you were there. And I've heard so much about your father,and I was curious.I'm sorry."
"Well," he says, "I hope what you saw met your grandest expectations." He stalks past me,but I grab his arm.
"Wait! I don't even speak French, remember?"
"Do you proise," he says slowly, "that you didn't understand a single word of our conversation?"
I let go of him. "No.I heard you. I heard the whole thing.
I smile as I leave them, wondering what building my dad would try to save with his writing.Probably a baseball stadium. Or a Burger King.
Stephanie PerkinsThere sure are a lot of stairs. Holy crap,will these things ever end?
Seriously?
MORE STAIRS?
This is ridiculous.I'm never buying a house with stairs.I won't even steps to my front door,just a gradual incline.
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