If there's a sexier sound on this planet than the person you're in love with cooing over the crepes you made for him, I don't know what it is.

Julie Powell

Mots clés food funny spouses



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People keep asking "Jacob or Edward?" when the really important question is "Diamond Dave or Sammy?

Ysabeau S. Wilce

Mots clés funny twilight van-halen



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That's worst than gonerreha, man!

Ned Vizzini

Mots clés funny



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Broken Wind believed that we are traumatized as babies by intestinal gas or colic. The great shaman invented a technique called "gastral projection" to help release these traumas. His philosophy was simple: "To air is human ... but to really cut one loose is divine.

Beyondananda

Mots clés funny



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Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing?"
"Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband's spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth."
"Oh, you say that when you don't get a prize in your Lucky Charms.

MaryJanice Davidson

Mots clés humour funny freaking



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I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago."
"Waitress!" Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. "Bring two!" then, more quietly,"You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bullet in the ear?

MaryJanice Davidson

Mots clés funny funny-and-random



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He's all right. His hair is cute."
Jonas froze, his lobster fork halfway to his mouth. " Oh my God, you're in love."
"I'm not in love."
"'his hair is cute'? You never say anything nice about anyone. Coming from you, cute hair is a mating call."
" I talked to the guy for thirty seconds. And then he waved at me while i was in the tank."
"Holy fuck, you're getting married, aren't you!"
" Will you simmer. I certainly am not.

MaryJanice Davidson

Mots clés humour funny in-love



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Lepida, has anyone ever told you that you're a cruel spiteful selfish slut?...You're vicious. You're unprincipled. You mistreat your slaves and abuse your daughter. And furthermore you're the worst, most neglectful, most criminal wife in Rome. I think we can go now.

Kate Quinn

Mots clés funny insult comeback calpurnia kate-quinn mistress-of-rome



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His accelerated path to yogihood hit a dead end when his kundalini exploded in a crowded department store. No one else was injured, but Swami caught an inflection which left him with a permanent East Indian accent.

Beyondananda

Mots clés funny



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He studied with the guru of rock n’ roll, Baba Oom Mow Mow, who taught his own version of the Golden Rule: "Do wop unto others as you would have them do wop unto you.

Beyondananda

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