The odd sensation I had while cooking would often last through the meal, then dissolve as I climbed the stairs. I would enter my room and discover the homework books I had left on the bed had disappeared into my backpack. I’d look inside my books and be shocked to find that the homework had been done. Sometimes it had been done well, at others it was slapdash, the writing careless, my own handwriting but scrawled across the page.
As I read the work through, I would get the creepy feeling that someone was watching me. I would turn quickly, trying to catch them out, but the door would be closed. There was never anyone there. Just me. My throat would turn dry. My shoulders would feel numb. The tic in my neck would start dancing as if an insect was burrowing beneath the surface of the skin. The symptoms would intensify into migraines that lasted for days and did not respond to treatment or drugs. The attack would come like a sudden storm, blow itself out of its own accord or unexpectedly vanish.
Objects repeatedly went missing: a favourite pen, a cassette, money. They usually turned up, although once the money had gone it had gone for ever and I would find in the chest of drawers a T-shirt I didn’t remember buying, a Depeche Mode cassette I didn’t like, a box of sketching pencils, some Lego.
Mots clés amnesia mental-health dissociation psychological trauma sexual-abuse survivor abuse incest dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder memory-loss dissociative-amnesia dissociative
I became skilled at covering my tracks, filling in the blanks. Sometimes the blanks were never filled. At other times, I would recall places where I had been or things I had done as if from a dream, which made the playback of my father and other men abusing me seem I even less real, fantasies conjured up from my imagination, not my memory. Perhaps somebody else’s memory. I didn’t think of myself as having mental-health problems. You don’t at sixteen. I thought of myself as being special, highly strung, moody.
Alice JamiesonMots clés amnesia mental-health dissociation psychological trauma sexual-abuse survivor abuse incest dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder memory-loss dissociative repressed-memories
The programme into which Cheryl was inducted combined all the different ways the intelligence community had learned could cause intense psychological change in adults and children. It had been learned through the use of both knowledgeable and 'unwitting' volunteers. They were subjected to sensory overload, isolation, drugs and hypnosis, all used on bodies that had been weakened from mild hunger. The horror of the programme was that it would be like having an elementary school sex education class conducted by a paedophile rapist. It would have been banned had the American government signed the Helsinki Accords. But, of course, they hadn't.
For the test that day and in those that followed, Cheryl Hersha was positioned so she faced a portable movie screen. A 16mm movie projector was on a platform, along with several reels of film. Each was a short pornographic film meant to make her aware of sexuality in a variety of forms...
Mots clés isolation torture mental-health training dissociation mental-illness psychological child-abuse trauma abuse hypnosis child-sexual-abuse mind-control dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder split-personality military-training pedophile psychological-abuse mkultra dissociative extreme-abuse paedophile military-abuse rapist
Working simultaneously, though seemingly without a conscience, was Dr. Ewen Cameron, whose base was a laboratory in Canada's McGill University, in Montreal. Since his death in 1967, the history of his work for both himself and the CIA has become known. He was interested in 'terminal' experiments and regularly received relatively small stipends (never more than $20,000) from the American CIA order to conduct his work. He explored electroshock in ways that offered such high risk of permanent brain damage that other researchers would not try them. He immersed subjects in sensory deprivation tanks for weeks at a time, though often claiming that they were immersed for only a matter of hours. He seemed to fancy himself a pure scientist, a man who would do anything to learn the outcome. The fact that some people died as a result of his research, while others went insane and still others, including the wife of a member of Canada's Parliament, had psychological problems for many years afterwards, was not a concern to the doctor or those who employed him. What mattered was that by the time Cheryl and Lynn Hersha were placed in the programme, the intelligence community had learned how to use electroshock techniques to control the mind. And so, like her sister, Lynn was strapped to a chair and wired for electric shock. The experience was different for Lynn, though the sexual component remained present to lesser degree...
Cheryl HershaMots clés murder canada conscience torture victim mental-health dissociation mental-illness psychological child-abuse trauma sexual-abuse survivor abuse child-sexual-abuse incest mind-control dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder split-personality experiments brain-damage mcgill mkultra sexual-torture dissociative extreme-abuse medical-experiment doctors-who-kill electric-shock electricuted ewen-cameron human-experiments mcgill-university without-a-conscience
Why do I take a blade and slash my arms? Why do I drink myself into a stupor? Why do I swallow bottles of pills and end up in A
Alice JamiesonMots clés pain memories alcohol healing victim attention mental-health alcoholic suicide-attempt dissociation mental-illness psychological trauma ritual-abuse survivor abuse incest cutting dissociative-identity-disorder multiple-personality-disorder split-personality psychiatric self-harm emergency overdose dissociative alters alter-personalities
For one to gain wisdom one most first overcome emotions and understand it's causes and effects on others and yourself.
Nicholas LopezMots clés inspirational psychological
Apparently, we're all in the frame," I heard Harry murmur somewhere behind me. And I whirled back to him. Innate, irrational anger surged. Then stopped, dead - as I suddenly took in Handsome, Robert and Doc. They were all staring at me. They were concentrating, all resolute, all a tad furrow-browed… upon my face.
Self-consciousness burgeoned. I gingerly fingered my and lips and my chin,
"Am I drooling?"
"Your arse is hanging out," said Harry, not looking up from the forensics he was scanning.
And so it was.
Handsome, Robert and Doc averted their eyes as I, wishing I'd merely been dribbling, grabbed the back flaps of my breezy hospital gown, fully placed my back against the wall. Then, thinking better of it, dived hurriedly, carefully, back into bed.
If Chinese Lady'd been here, she could've, would've, told me.
I missed her already.
Mots clés murder funny mystery crime suspense intelligent thriller contemporary police psychological psychiatrist magical-realism serial-killer murder-mystery dark-humour fast-pace chandleresque criminal-profiler strong-female-character
What quantities evil - the amount of blood spilled the body count, the intentional destruction of innocent masses? Regardless of how evil is defined, there will always be those in power to discriminately judge it and their corrupt policing forces that enforce it.
Mahima MartelMots clés drama crime terrorism psychological
SWAT? For me?" Still trembling, one hand clung to the ambulance gurney, the other held a massive sterilised cotton wool wad under my nose.
"Tactical Support was busy. You got Dennis and Arlo," said Harry, speed-reading the papers he'd snatched from inside my jacket.
Closest his hands had been to my chest in a long time.
"Which one broke my nose?"
"That'd be Dennis.
Mots clés murder funny mystery crime suspense intelligent thriller contemporary police psychological psychiatrist magical-realism serial-killer murder-mystery dark-humour fast-pace chandleresque criminal-profiler strong-female-character
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