Experience has taught me that an expected answer is often better than the truth.

Alan Bradley


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I have to admit, though, that Cynthia was a great organizer, but then, so were the men with whips who got the pyramids built.

Alan Bradley


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If poisons were ponies, I'd put my money on cyanide.

Alan Bradley


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Like most, I was a solitary boy at first, keeping to my books and weeping in the hedgerows whenever I could get away on my own. Surely, I thought, I must be the saddest child in the world; that there must be something innately horrid about me to cause my father to cast me off so heartlessly. I believed that if I could discover what it was, there might be a chance of putting things right, of somehow making it up to him.

Alan Bradley


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Mediocrity, I discovered, was the great camouflage; the great protective coloring. Those boys who did not fail, yet did not excel, were left alone, free of the demands of the master who might wish to groom them for glory and of the school bully who might make them his scapegoat. That simple fact was the first great discovery of my life.

Alan Bradley


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I wish I could say I was afraid, but I wasn’t. Quite the contrary. This was by far the most interesting thing that had ever happened to me in my entire life

Alan Bradley


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You see, Flavia, silence is sometimes the most costly of commodities.

Alan Bradley


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If you’re insinuating that my personal hygiene is not up to the same high standard as yours you can go suck my galoshes.

Alan Bradley


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I wanted to shake the stuffing out of him; I wanted to hug him; I wanted to die.

Alan Bradley


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It's a fact of life that a girl can tell in a flash if another girl likes her...Between girls there is a silent and unending flow of invisible signals, like the high-frequency wireless messages between the shore and the ships at sea, and this secret flow of dots and dashes was signaling that Mary detested me.

Alan Bradley


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