Just because you disagreed with the Poll Tax and detested Margaret Thatcher—"
"Detest is a little inappropriate," Parlabane said. "Maybe closer to say I spent the entire Eighties wishing I was pissing on her rotting corpse.
And what is it with these fucking people and teenage virgins anyway? Have they ever actually shagged one? I have, more than once, and none of the encounters would appear on my list of sexual highlights.
Christopher Brookmyre3 people get stranded on a remote Island
A Banker, a Daily Mail reader
Tag: bankers
This is Glesca.... Any time you're confused, take a wee minute to remind yourself of that inescapable fact: this is Glesca. We don't do subtle, we don't do nuanced, we don't do conspiracy. We do pish-heid bampot bludgeoning his girlfriend to death in a fit of paranoid rage induced by forty-eight hours straight on the batter. We do coked-up neds jumping on a guy's heid outside a nightclub because he looked at them funny. We do drug-dealing gangster rockets shooting other drug-dealing gangster rockets as comeback for something almost identical a fortnight ago. We do bam-on-bam. We do tit-for-tat, score-settling, feuds, jealousy, petty revenge. We do straightforward. We do obvious. We do cannaemisswhodunit. When you hear hoofbeats on Sauchiehall Street, it's gaunny be a horse, no' a zebra...'.
Christopher BrookmyreIs it colour?’
‘Oh yes.’
‘You don’t let me down.You are my ambassador to pr0n, man.
Tag: humour pornography nerddom
...there are certain mistakes that you know you just have to make, know you’re going to make, no matter what conscience, logic or fear are telling you. It’s a simple truth of human existence. Across thousands of years of civilisation, throughout the rise and fall of empires and our stumbling ascent from the forests to the stars, greater men than Zal had contemplated the wisdom of their intentions before coming to exactly the same conclusion.
And there was usually a girl involved, yeah.
There can be only one
Christopher BrookmyreTag: dark-humour
He spent a very uncomfortable few moments trying to remember his prepared position for explaining to God that he had nonetheless been right not to believe in Him on the basis of all available evidence, and that his empiricism and advocacy of sceptical enquiry was vindicated because faith-based belief had proven hugely detrimental to humankind's welfare. At the same time, another part of his brain was busy thinking: "Please don't let the Catholics be right, please don't let the Catholics be right.
Christopher BrookmyreTag: humour
Told you I had some flavours," she said. "You like?"
Ross just gaped, and possibly trembled a little.
"You, er, made that yourself?"
"Yeah. That's what pisses me off about this place. You could be any incarnation of womanhood you an think of - so why do so many choose to conform to some fifteen-year-old dork's idea of it? Even in a world like Calastria, they'll still choose an appearance that's defined by sexuality. Do they think the guys try to look sexy when they're suiting up to fight dragons?"
"Er, not so much," Ross agreed, but her last remark had inadvertently channelled his inner fifteen-year-old dork. "There's going to be dragons?" he asked.
Tag: humour
He felt water run down his back from the damp brickwork he was sitting against, and as he worried distantly about corrosion he realised you can always fall a little further. A moment ago he thought he'd bottomed out, but now he was concerned about personal rust. Mother of fuck.
Christopher BrookmyreTag: humour
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