But maybe this is what Hannah has always wanted: a man who will deny her. A man of her own who isn't hers. Isn't it the real reason she broke up with Mike--not because he moved to North Carolina for law school (he wanted her to go with him, and she said no) but because he adored her? If she asked him to get out of bed and bring her a glass of water, he did. If she was in a bad mood, he tried to soothe her. It didn't bother him if she cried, or if she didn't wash her hair or shave her legs or have anything interesting to say. He forgave it all, he always thought she was beautiful, he always wanted to be around her. It became so boring! She'd been raised, after all, not to be accommodated but to accommodate, and if she was his world, then his world was small, he was easily satisfied. After a while, when he parted her lips with his tongue, she'd think, Thrash, thrash, here we go. She wanted to feel like she was striving cleanly forward, walking into a bracing wind and learning from her mistakes, and she felt instead like she was sitting in a deep, squishy sofa, eating Cheetos, in an overheated room. With Oliver, there is always contrast to shape their days, tension to keep them on their toes: You are far form me, you are close to me. We are fighting, we are getting along.
Curtis Sittenfeld..and I thought how liking a boy was just the same as believing you wanted to know a secret - everything was better when you were denied and could feel tormented by curiousity or loneliness. But the moment of something happening was treacherous. It was just so tiring to have to worry about whether your face was peeling, or to have to laugh at stories that weren’t funny.
Curtis SittenfeldTag: fiction
How quickly we damn ourselves when we start to talk, how small and inglorious we always sound.
Curtis SittenfeldTag: young-adult-fiction chick-lit
Is the depressing part that he's only half right - it's not that she doesn't need rescuing but that nobody else will be able to do it? She has always somehow known that she is the one who will have to rescue herself. Or maybe what's depressing is that this knowledge seems like it should make life easier, and instead it makes it harder.
Curtis Sittenfeld… eram prea tanara atunci sa-mi dau seama cum simple considerente geografice sau temporale puteau sa separe oamenii. Acestea sunt motivele pentru care n-ar fi trebuit sa ma intreb ce m-am intrebat mai apoi, in timp ce ma uitam la reflexiile noastre sparte in oglinda – daca exista oare ceva, chiar si ghinionul, care san e tina legate una de cealalta in toti anii care aveau sa urmeze.
Curtis Sittenfeld… era greu sa-mi imaginez ca m-as fi putut simti vreodata ca o tipa “misto”, dar ma simteam ca o persoana de care eu insami as fi fost intrigata in primii mei ani acolo.
Curtis SittenfeldCu ani mai tarziu, la o nunta, l-am auzit pe preot descriind casnicia ca pe o frangere in doua a tristetii si o dublare a bucuriei, si nu mi-a trecut prin minte nici tipul cu care eram atunci si nici vreun sot perfect, imaginar, din viitorul meu; in schimb, m-am gandit imediat la Matha.
Curtis SittenfeldPuteam continua sa fiu vechea Lee, cea buna si incompetenta, Lee cea draguta si plina de fisuri, un Labrador flocos si auriu, care nu poate sta departe de nicio balta si se tot intoarce acasa cu blana uda si mirosind neplacut.
Curtis SittenfeldIn camine, unii dintre elevi se apucasera deja sa impacheteze, lucru pe care eu il uram – vedeam peretii goi si suprafetele lipsite de obiecte ca pe niste aluzii rauvoitoare la cat de efemer era totul in jur, cat de iluzorie era senzatia pe care o avem ca ne apartine vreodata ceva.
Curtis SittenfeldProfii de aici le-au vazut pe toate. Noi ne percepem ca individualitati distincte, dar in ochii lor nu suntem decat o masa de nevoi adolescentine.” – Gates Medkowski
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