I was consumed by a selfishness and arrogance that I didn't dare let go of until I found a new persona to hide behind.
Dorothy KoomsonTag: personas
When you love someone, them being hurt is worse than any pain that you could suffer.
Dorothy KoomsonIt was the most natural thing in the world because from out of his mouth were coming most of the things I felt. In another person, one i did not have this attachment to, it would have been gushing, clingy and embarrassing, from him it was like having a mirror held up to my soul.
Dorothy KoomsonTag: falling-in-love
I didn't simply want children - I probably could have found someone who would have been willing to do the baby thing - I wanted them with her. I longed to see the sparkle of her eyes in the eyes of a child; to have that infectious laugh of hers coming out of a baby's mouth as I tickled them; I wanted to hold a child in my arms and look at it and see her and me, our genes combined to make another human being. When it came to me that that would never happen, I put my fist through the back door. All these little things kept coming to me, all the "I'll nevers", but that was the worst one. I grieved for the children we'd never have almost as much as I'd grieved for her.
Dorothy KoomsonTag: heartache
Sometimes living with him is like being told to hold my breath as a matter of life and death - but never being told when to let that breath out. So I don't know what to do for the best. To let out that breath and suffer the consequences or to keep holding on no matter what it does to me.
Dorothy KoomsonTag: uncertainty
Stop watching me," she'd say all the time, a little smile on her face because she was watching me too.
"I can't help it," I'd reply "I'm fascinated by you, in love with you."
"Well, go be fascinated and in love with the TV, I'm trying to sort things out, it's not easy with you watching.
Tag: playful-banter
For the first time ever we are bound together instead of miles apart in the same place.
Dorothy KoomsonThat's what I like about the modern world: choice. We all choose what we have to live with.
Dorothy KoomsonTag: choice
There is something I want to do. But it's something to work towards, not something that should be handed to me on a plate. What's the point of doing something if you know you've got someone to rescue you if you fail? I like to work hard at something and then to reap the rewards. I take pride in what I do. What's the point if I know my rich husband will bail me out if I mess up?
Dorothy KoomsonTag: ambition
I don't have the type of ambition that will make me do anything at any cost to get what I want. I don't want to be beholden to people. I don't want to open a shop with your money because I don't want to be indebted to you."
"I'm your husband; it's our money."
"Morally, legally, maybe yes, but in here," she put a hand to her head "and here," she lay the flat of her hand over her heart, "it's your money. You earned it or were given it way before you met me.
Tag: ambition
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