Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
Ellen DeGeneresTag: comedy-humor
Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don't have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD - Too Busy Disorder.
Ellen DeGeneresBaloney is just salami with an inferiority complex.
Ellen DeGeneresPeople always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
Ellen DeGeneresProcrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you're gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I've gotta stop I've gotta come to my senses, I've been out riding fences for so long... oops I did it again... um... What I'm trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don't remember anything else that I've said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
Ellen DeGeneresTake a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.
Ellen DeGeneresTag: humor
Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.
Ellen DeGeneresTag: humor inspirational butterflies
One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.
Ellen DeGeneresTag: humor
You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.
Ellen DeGeneresTag: humor inspirational
Dan: 'Ah, well, I hope this didn't have anything to do with me.'
Ellen: 'No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.
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