The truth is, I don't have a real clue what love is - how to find it, how to give it. Once upon a time I thought I knew.

Ellen Hopkins

Tag: truth love

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It's probably weird to think about an addiction like it's a sentient being, but that's how it feels. Like it's something living inside you. Something you can't get rid of because killing it means killing you.

Ellen Hopkins

Tag: addiction kill

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In fact, since the accident, Mom doesn't love anyone. She is marble. Beautiful. Frigid. Easily stained by her family. What's left of us anyway. We are corpses.

At first, we sought rebirth. But resurrection devoid of her love has made us zombies. We get up every morning, skip breakfast, hurry off to work or school. For in those other places, we are more at home.

And sometimes we stagger beneath the weight of grief, the immensity of aloneness.

Ellen Hopkins

Tag: grief aloneness rebirth resurrection zombies

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I wish I were worthy of his love. (Any love.)I should tell him to run. But I can't. I need him.

Ellen Hopkins

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I nod, because I do understand. I'm just not sure how to go about divorcing myself from the evil I've already accepted.

Ellen Hopkins

Tag: evil accept

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He's solid.
"You're fractured."
He's hopeful.
"You're hopeless."
He's always there.
"You're half there."
He's faithful.
"You're so not."
He's giving.
"You're afraid to give."
He's honest.
"You lie all the time."
He's loving.
"You don't know how to love.

Ellen Hopkins

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Starving for a high, a place to hang out inside my own head. Starving for touch. Pain, even. A way to feel. I need to feel.

Ellen Hopkins

Tag: pain feel starving

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Then I said it. He said it too. I love you. And everything that went before meant nothing.

Ellen Hopkins

Tag: love

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Anger requires energy, something I don't dare waste on what cannot be altered.

Ellen Hopkins

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Except when it comes to Mom. She is, and always has been, the driving force in this family. And sometimes that means driving us head-on, no possible change of course, into a wall.

Ellen Hopkins

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