Chief of security : They have a tank! How did they get a tank up here?

Eoin Colfer


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Artemis: Holly, how did you find me?

Holly: Oh, I saw a huge explosion and wondered: now, who could that be?

Eoin Colfer


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So why don't we have a go? There are two of us.'

Little Mike realized that his friend was actually serious. 'Two of us? Father Hillary had God Almighty helping out, and look where it got him.'

'I know. But we're a team. For years, since primary. Batman and Robin.'

'Robin got killed,' said Mike.

Christy was shocked. 'He did not, did he? Jesus, I didn't hear about that.'

'Yeah. It was a big shock. The Joker kilt him.'

'That fuckin' Joker. I didn't see that coming.' ("Taking on PJ")

Eoin Colfer

Tag: joker batman batman-robin



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Control puberty?" snorted the bodyguard."If you manage that, you'll be the first.

Eoin Colfer


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Anything can be real. Every imaginable thing is happening somewhere along the dimensional axis. These things happen a billion times over with exactly the same outcome and no one learns anything. Whatever a person can think, imagine, wish for, or believe has already come to pass. Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers.

Eoin Colfer

Tag: dreams



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Artemis: How long will it take you to prepare the time spell?

N1 chewed his knuckle: About as long as it takes you to take your clothes off.
"Aaarrk," Artemis half choked.

Eoin Colfer


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So, let's make a deal: If you do not voice all the withering comments about the weight or uselessness of this jacket that are no doubt swirling in that big brain of yours, then I will not mention the super-laser episode again. Agreed?"
This jacket is really cutting into my shoulders, thought Artemis. And it's so heavy that I could not outrun a slug.
But he said, "Agreed.

Eoin Colfer

Tag: humor artemis butler



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Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, we are both imbeciles. I don't expect lateral thinking from the LEP, but from you..."
... "What is it?" [Holly] asked, afraid of the answer, which must surely be terrible.
"Yeah," agreed Foaly, who always had time to feel insulted. "Why am I an imbecile?

Eoin Colfer

Tag: humor artemis holly foaly



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The humans were protecting their heritage, or so they thought. Strange that Mud Men seem more concerned about the past than the present.

Eoin Colfer

Tag: inspirational artemis-fowl thought-provoking



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I am older and have more control over my empathy,' said Qwan. 'That's why I didn't throw up.' And having said that, he threw up.

Eoin Colfer

Tag: humor



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