Nothing kills a party like an oversize metal hedgehog.

Ilona Andrews

Tag: humor comedy true-fact



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You can never lose a fight in your own bar, because if you do, it’s not your bar anymore.

Ilona Andrews


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Vampires smiled for many reasons, but when a vampire male smiled at you from this distance with that kind of look in his eyes it was done for one purpose only: to impress. Look at my big teeth. I’m an apex predator. My genetic material is awesome.

Ilona Andrews


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Julie was an issue riding on an issue and using a third issue for a whip.

Ilona Andrews


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We have to get the Diamond. And Cesare’s head.”
They looked at me.
“Why the head?” Doolittle asked.
“Because it’s easy to carry and I can torture it for a long time.” And I didn’t just say it out loud, did I? I checked their faces. Yep, I did.

Ilona Andrews


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Curran lunged at a silver Bentley. The hood went flying. He thrust his hand into the car. Metal screamed, and Curran jerked a twisted clump out of the hood and smashed it into the nearest car like a club.
“Did he just rip out the engine?” I asked.
“Yes,” Saiman said. “And now he’s demolishing the Maserati with it.”
Ten seconds later Curran hurled the twisted wreck of black and orange that used to be the Maserati
into the wall.
The first melodic notes of an old song came from the computer. I glanced at Saiman.
He shrugged. “It begged for a soundtrack.

Ilona Andrews

Tag: curran kate-daniels saiman



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Hi, Jim,” I said.

He didn’t look at me. “The man wants to know what’s going on. And he wants her at the

Keep. Now.”

“Talking about yourself in the third person now, are we?” The bouda smiled.

Ilona Andrews


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What’s the deal with the hair?”

Curran tore his gaze from the book and grimaced. “Grows every flare. Can’t help it." We stared at each other. “Waiting for the Fabio joke,” he said.

Ilona Andrews


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I opened my eyes really wide and fluttered my eyelashes at him. "I'm sorry, I must've missed your coronation ceremony. Silly me." from Clean Sweep

Ilona Andrews

Tag: sarcasm alpha-male



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Andrea stared at me. "You're not taking me seriously!"
"That's probably because you're not excited enough," Derek said. "You should clench your fists like they do in the movies, shake them, and yell, 'This is bigger than any of us! It goes all the way to the top!

Ilona Andrews

Tag: humor-derek-kate-daniels



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