I guessed my mother figured if my father got right down to the task of eating he wouldn’t be so inclined to jump up and strangle my grandmother.
Janet EvanovichTo celebrate our partnership I dressed up like Ranger. Black boots, black jeans, black turtleneck, small silver hoop earrings.
He gave me the once-over when I opened the door to him.
‘Smart ass,’ he said.
Omygod, I haven’t got years. I’ll have to hide in the Bat Cave.”
“Once you go to the Bat Cave it’s forever, babe.”
Eeek.
I hung my head. Ranger was next on the list.
“Yo,” Ranger said when he answered.
“Small problem.”
“No kidding. Your car just went off the screen.”
“It sort of burned up.”
Silence.
“And you know that keypad you gave me? It was in the car.”
“Babe.
Morelli beeped his truck unlocked. “If you’re looking for your rent-a-cop, I told Ranger you’d be with me this morning.”
“Did he make you take a blood oath that you’d protect me?”
“He asked me if I had adequate health insurance.
Am I to assume you would rather not have us as clients?"
"Let me think about that for a nanosecond," Dickie said. "Yes! Last time you were in my office you tried to kill me."
"That's an exaggeration. Maim you, yes. Kill you, probably not."
Maybe your pregnant. Oops, hold on, you're not pregnant, on account of you're not gettin any.
Janet EvanovichTag: lula
Were really screwed up, aren't we?"
"In a very large way.
There were two doors that opened off the hallway. The doors were labeled PUSSY and MOTHERFUCKERS.
"I'm taking the Motherfuckers door," I said to Ranger.
"No way. That's my door."
"Well, I'm sure as hell not taking the Pussy door.
I don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted.
She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said.
I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.
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