We gotta be professional about this," Lula said, aiming us toward Route 1. "We need a plan. How about we get the nail polish first, then we get the guy?
Janet EvanovichI rooted through my pocketbook and did a fast paraphernalia inventory. I was carrying defense spray, which was a big no-no in a crowded mall. And I carried a stun gun, which on close examination turned out to need a new battery. My two pairs of cuffs were in working order, and I had an almost full can of hair spray. Okay, probably I wasn't the world's best-equipped bounty hunter. But then what did I really need to bring in an old guy with a nose that looked like a penis and a loser hot dog vendor?
Janet EvanovichI've never been in this part of Trenton before. I don't feel comfortable driving around buildings that haven't got gang slogans sprayed on them. Look at this place. No boarded-up windows. No garbage in the gutter. No brothers selling goods on the street. Don't know how people can live like this.
Janet EvanovichTag: new-jersey trenton
Mr. Landowsky was eighty-two and somehow his chest had shrunk over the years, and now he was forced to hike his pants up under his armpits.
"Oi," he said. "This heat! I can't breathe. Somebody should do something."
I assumed he was talking about God.
"That weatherman on the morning news. He should be shot. How can I go out in weather like this? And then when it gets so hot they keep the supermarkets too cold. Hot, cold. Hot, cold. It gives me the runs."
I was glad I owned a gun, because when I got as old as Mr. Landowsky I was going to eat a bullet. The first time I got the runs in the supermarket, that was it. BANG! It would all be over.
Tag: old-people
I always know it's Sunday because I wake up feeling apologetic. That's one of the cool things about being a Catholic . . . it's a multifaceted experience. If you lose the faith, chances are you'll keep the guilt, so it isn't as if you've been skunked altogether.
Janet EvanovichTag: catholic
Mrs. Zuppa was coming in from bingo just as I was leaving the building.
"Looks like you're going to work," she said, leaning heavily on her cane. "What are you packin'?"
"A thirty-eight."
"I like a nine-millimeter myself."
"A nine's good."
"Easier to use a semiautomatic after you've had hip replacement and you walk with a cane," she said.
One of those useful pieces of information to file away and resurrect when I turn eighty-three.
The kid pulled a Buck knife out of his pants pocket. "How about giving me your purse, bitch?"
Sally hiked up his skirt, reached into his briefs and pulled out a Glock.
"How about using that knife to slice off your balls?"
Lula whipped a gun out of her red satin purse and Grandma hauled out her .45 long-barrel.
"Day my make, punk," Grandma said.
"Hey, I don't want any trouble," the kid said. "We were just having some fun."
"I want to shoot him," Sally said. "Nobody'll tell, right?"
"No fair," Lula said. "I want to shoot him."
"Okay," Grandma said. "On the count of three, we'll all shoot him.
Life is about survival of the fittest, and Jersey is producing the master race.
Janet EvanovichTag: humor
Ranger removed my goggles "Would you like to come home with me?"
I stepped away from him. "Thank you for the offer, but no. I'm done with men."
Ranger smiled. "Forever?"
"Until I figure some things out."
"And if you don't figure them out?"
"If I can't figure them out on my own, I'll ask you to help me."
"Babe, that's like the blind leading the blind.
Tag: explosive-eighteen
I was completely out of clean clothes. That meant I could be a slut and sleep naked , or I could be a slob and sleep in what I was wearing. Truth is, I'm not entirely comfortable sleeping naked. I do it from time to time, but I worry that God might be watching or that my mother might find out, and I'm pretty sure they both think nice girls should wear pyjamas to bed.
Janet EvanovichTag: humor stephanie-plum
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