Flowers and fear are a lot alike. For one, flowers and fear have a distinct smell, and two, I’m currently trying to grow both in my garden.
Jarod KintzI didn’t feel like buying him the jacket he asked for for Christmas, so I just got him a coat hanger with a sticky note attached that read, “Here’s something for you to hang your dreams on, pal.
Jarod KintzI make art for one person and one person only. And as soon as I find that one person, I sure hope he has a lot of wall space, because he’ll be getting a lot of art from me.
Jarod KintzI have a real problem keeping friends. I'm always running out of space in my freezer.
Jarod KintzThis morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep.
Jarod KintzIf I were an armadillo, and a stranger came up and said I looked familiar, and they wanted to know why I looked so familiar, I'd respond in a raspy voice, "Your brother ran over my brother.
Jarod KintzI want to write a book so long that it will take the average person their whole life to read. It will be exactly the same length as the Bible.
Jarod KintzI want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter.
Jarod KintzI want to write a book called, "Bonfires and Bras," which follows around a young, braless feminist who struggles to adopt in air conditioned rooms, as her hardened nipples cause her excess embarrassment.
Jarod KintzI want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married.
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