I want to drum up interest for instruments that are played by beating them with sticks.

Jarod Kintz


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She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to. 


Jarod Kintz


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I want to picket white picket fences.

Jarod Kintz


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I’m an only child, so logically I gave birth to my parents, because if it weren’t for me they wouldn’t be parents at all, they’d simply be a married couple. (Or maybe without me they wouldn’t even have been married!)


Jarod Kintz


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We fell in love like the Fourth of July. But there was nothing red, white, and blue about it, because we fell in love in England, despite the fact that the colors on their flag are also red, white, and blue.

Jarod Kintz


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A pile of hairy towels is not a passable substitute for a dog.

Jarod Kintz


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If I could die saving two lives, I would, provided each of those two people were the kind of people who would die to save two more like them.

Jarod Kintz


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I bought an empty safe, and I keep it empty, because safety doesn’t exist, so my safes are full of their potential.

Jarod Kintz


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Dipping my sticky glove into the bowl, I grabbed a handful of fingers. That’s five, if you’re counting.

Jarod Kintz


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I would have kissed her goodnight, but it was six in the morning.

Jarod Kintz


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