Pretend to be mad and talk a lot. Then — and this is the important bit — do nothing at all until you absolutely have to and then make sure everyone dies.

Jasper Fforde

Tag: humour hamlet



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Acceptable rules of conduct were suspended when it came to the spoon shortage. The deficit had gotten so bad that prices were all but unaffordable, and dynastic spoon succession had become a matter of considerable interest. Spoons were even postcode engraved and carried on one's person to eliminate theft, and good table manners, one of the eight pillars upon which the Collective was built, had been relaxed to allow tea to be stirred - shockingly - with the handle of a fork.

Jasper Fforde


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Vanity's contribution to Fiction in general was an abundance of cheap labour and the occasional blockbuster, which was accepted into Fiction with an apologetic 'gosh, don't know how that happened'.

Jasper Fforde

Tag: books humour vanity-publishing



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This must have been how it all began with Chymes,” sighed Jack. “A small
omission on one case, an ‘embellishment’ on the next. The question is not about
what’s best but what’s right. Chymes had confused the two and compromised not
only his own integrity but that of the police—and the due process of law.

Jasper Fforde


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If it takes us 10 years to get into the shit, it will take us 20 to get out.

And the journey starts NOW.

Jasper Fforde

Tag: shit political-commentary



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A surfeit of information often hides an untruth,” he said, with annoying clarity.

Jasper Fforde

Tag: information deceit untruth



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Try to be pleasant to one another, get plenty of fresh air, read a good book now and then, depose your government when it suspends the free press, try to use the mechanism of the state to adjudicate fairly and employ diplomatic means wherever possible to avoid armed conflict.

Jasper Fforde

Tag: reading war government diplomacy free-press



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The industrial age had only just begun; the planet had reached its Best Before date.

Jasper Fforde


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It is written.

Jasper Fforde


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He spent his life immersed in books to the cost of everything else, even personal relationships. "Friends," he'd once said, "are probably great, but I have forty thousands friends of my own already, and each of them needs my attention.

Jasper Fforde

Tag: thursday-next jasper-fforde the-woman-who-died-a-lot



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