I don't know what a guy needs to do to impress a girl these days.

Jeff Kinney


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Back in those days it was just me swimming around in the dark, doing back flips and taking naps whenever I want.

Jeff Kinney


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He got the crib, so for the first few months of my life I had to sleep in the top dresser drawer, which I'm pretty sure isn't even legal.

Jeff Kinney


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I'm having a seriously hard time getting used to the fact that summer is over and I have to get out of bed every morning to go to school.

Jeff Kinney


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Mom is always saying I'm a smart kid, but that I just don't apply myself.

Jeff Kinney


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I just hope someone doesn't start the Cheese Touch up again, because I don't need that kind of stress in my life any more.

Jeff Kinney


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The only reason I get out of bed at all on weekends is because eventually I can't stand the taste of my own breath any more.

Jeff Kinney


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