Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
Jerry SeinfeldTag: humor
Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.
Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.
Tag: humor
i chose not to run
Jerry SeinfeldWhen you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
Jerry SeinfeldNow they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Jerry SeinfeldWhat is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
Jerry SeinfeldYou'll fold faster than Superman on laundry day
Jerry SeinfeldTag: humor
I don't wanna be a Pirate!!!!
Jerry SeinfeldWhy do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let’s make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
Jerry SeinfeldIf I want a long boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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